how to deal with social gatherings?

hey, how do u deal with family gatherings when u feel horribly about yourself and have no good answers to simple questions people will always ask...such as are u working? do u have a girlfriend? hows things? i mean i have no job/career or even remote ideas about what to do at the moment at 33, no girlfriend or even remote options, basically keep to myself and not engaging life at all. why should i continually go to big family gatherings and just be embarassed and be dragged through all sorts of pain? the simple answer is to "Not care what other people think about you" or not to read others peoples minds and to just love and accept yourself unconditionally but all of that seems very very difficult to embrace when on the spot and in the pain. i understand that my perceptions must change to not alllow such things to bother me but again all that psychogarble seems to be just that sometimes, garble. do i just isolate further and avoid all family gatherings or go and fumble through questions trying to dance around my embarassing answers and feel incredible pain the whole time? anyone go through this kind of stuff?

hi jonathan,

thanks for sharing.

I can relate to you.

I think that you have several choices from which you can choose from.

1) explain your situation to your family. then, continue to attend the family gatherings, and answer if you feel comfortable. if you remain uncomfortable, confess to it. I know it might sound silly, but you'd be honest! I imagine it might be very difficult for you to explain to your family about the way you feel... but maybe if there's one individual in your family who you think would be able to understand and possibly help you, I advise you to speak to them. Then, with your consent, this person can talk to other family members... and as a group, they can help make you feel more comfortable, as opposed to you doing it all on your own! =)

2) like you, I have no "good answers to simple questions," but the fact is... those "simple" questions are probably the sames ones that I feel are asked far too often, and have lost their meaning along the way. they're conversation-starters. you happen to not keep those conversations going, and in a way, I think it's a good thing. people need to talk about more meaningful things that the standard "how are you, do you have a job," etc. I'm sure that many people (including myself!) who have trouble answering such questions, because they also make me feel bad about myself. You say that they're simple questions, and maybe that's why they're so tedious to answer. Maybe you can ask questions that will stump them. I'm sure your family members don't mean any harm when they ask you those questions... in my mind, they are quite personal, yet, they're all impersonal because it seems to be the standard to ask such questions. maybe you can violate the standard and ask something philosophical or, instead of having them ask you the questions, you ask them. =)

3) you can continue to keep to yourself, but I get the impression that it's not the best for you. do you talk to anyone, or have any social support?

Tell me... what do you like to talk about?

I hope you're feeling better.

take care*