I'm depressed and I can't take it.

Hello, everybody. Little background about me: I'm 28, I'm a woman, I'm a medical doctor. I'm single, I live alone. I was bullied in junior high and high school. I don't have many friends, and the ones I have are not that reliable. In 2007 I've had a conversion episode, after having been through a period of frustrating and stress regarding my personal life I've had a seizure and a neurologist and a psychiatrist told me it was a conversion episode. I haven't had any other conversion episodes after that but I've developed OCD with blasphemous thoughts and hypochondria. I've been feeling better regarding OCD, thank God, but over the years I've had to deal with my narcissistic mother (details here: narcissistic-personality/topic153912.html) , my father who is really selfish and passive aggressive, he is a little schizoid sometimes, only a few friends, pathetic love life. Now I'm having problems at work too.

Anyway, I decided to write this because I CANNOT take this anymore. I've been suffering for 2 years, I know I'm slowly drowning and my mother doesn't give a single damn about me. I used to think I was suffering from mild depression but now I think it's worsened, it's moderate to severe depression because although I do not have suicidal thoughts and I have never attempted suicide, I always think that my existence is useless and that I hate the world, the humankind is just mean, I feel like isolating myself because I'm tired of being hurt by everyone I know and I think nobody likes me, nobody would give a single damn if I died, so I see no point in anything. Sometimes I wish I could just disappear from Earth and go to a place where I could escape everything and everyone. I hate admitting this, we're supposed to love ourselves and our lives but that's how I feel. Moreover, I've completely lost my libido , I can't attracted by men anymore, I feel sexually numb. I'm tired and I just get up and go to work because I have a great inner strength , because if I could I would sleep all day or maybe pack my things and run away.

I wanna heal and I wanna get out of this. Yes, you will say I need medication and therapy, I agree with the therapy part but I don't wanna take any pills. I would like to know if you agree with my diagnosis (self diagnosis) and if you have any experience or know anyone who has overcome depression without having to take antidepressants. I really need help, I don't have anyone to talk to about this, I feel completely lonely and useless. Thank you for your time.

Hey...sorry you didnt get more input, i know its a little late, i can relate to some of your symptoms. Im not taking any pills either, my mom is depressed and takes them, but i chose not to. I am trying to keep active, i take vitamin B supplements and some other ones, and i try to avoid stress. I get easily stressed so thats hard to do!
Unlike you, i dont think the close ones dont care, but i have a hard time following through with plans and routines. For me, its helpful to keep a routine of eating and sleeping at normal hours, like i said keep active, and not allow much negative thoughts. Each day as it comes...hope your situation improved a little since you posted

I hope this won't seem insensitive, but I find it a little ironic that a medical doctor would come to a forum like this for help. I'm a community college dropout, and medical doctors tend to treat me very condescendingly, not seek my help.

As a medical doctor I suspect you studied more psychiatry than I have. And don't you move in circles that would make it easy for you to find a therapist. (I'm not saying you should or shouldn't. I'm skeptical about all that. But maybe I'm "schizotypal", and have "wierd" ideas.)