Suicidal thoughts and feeling completely emotionally exhaust

I have been struggling with depression and general self hate. At the age of 13 I started antidepressants, up until age 18 when I realized they just don't work for me, and I wasn't getting any better. I've been off medication for depression for almost four years now. It wasnt until very recently that I've fallen back to a deep depression and actuallyhad thoughts of ending my life. There's more problems in my life I cant change at all, so I feel completely helpless and useless. The health care where I live isn't good so I'm also unable to see a psychiatrist if I did decide to give antidepressants another time. I'm just so lost and I need some hope, or someone to talk to who can understand how I'm feeling and know I cant be as emotionally available like most people are...

I have to go to class. I hope to hear from someone.

Big hugs.

You don't explain whether you took one anti-depressant or more. Unfortunately anti-depressants are often hit and miss. The first one I was prescribed didn't work at all, but brought me a range of side effects, including thoughts of self-harm. My doctor immediately moved me to a whole different class of meds, and that worked for a long time. So that could be one of the reasons why yours didn't work all that well.

Unipolar depression is greatly relieved using therapy. For me, medication was necessary at first, because I was simply in no shape for therapy, but once we got that set I went to therapy for 1.5 years and it helped a LOT. It resolved a lot of problems that I considered unsolvable. No idea if there are any therapists available to you but I would suggest you give it a shot.

As for antidepressants -- if you decide to try again -- perhaps your GP would be able to help? (I don't know regulations in your country, here in the Netherlands a GP is able to prescribe anti-depressants.) Or perhaps you would consider traveling somewhere further to see a psychiatrist? Remember suicidal thoughts can turn into actions easily -- your life is worth more than a train ticket. As long as they remain abstract thoughts, it is possible to cope (I'm not saying it's easy) but if you find yourself making plans, your life is in danger. If that happens please seek immediate help -- make contact with A&E/ER and tell them what is happening without withholding anything.

Last thing I can think of is: remember alcohol is a depressant. I don't know whether you drink, but if you do, please consider stopping. Alcohol makes you feel better in the short term but it pushes you deeper into depression the day after.

My PM inbox is open if you'd like to ask anything -- or just post here. In any case please keep us posted. Big hugs if wanted.

Oliveira wrote:Big hugs.

You don't explain whether you took one anti-depressant or more. Unfortunately anti-depressants are often hit and miss. The first one I was prescribed didn't work at all, but brought me a range of side effects, including thoughts of self-harm. My doctor immediately moved me to a whole different class of meds, and that worked for a long time. So that could be one of the reasons why yours didn't work all that well.

Unipolar depression is greatly relieved using therapy. For me, medication was necessary at first, because I was simply in no shape for therapy, but once we got that set I went to therapy for 1.5 years and it helped a LOT. It resolved a lot of problems that I considered unsolvable. No idea if there are any therapists available to you but I would suggest you give it a shot.

As for antidepressants -- if you decide to try again -- perhaps your GP would be able to help? (I don't know regulations in your country, here in the Netherlands a GP is able to prescribe anti-depressants.) Or perhaps you would consider traveling somewhere further to see a psychiatrist? Remember suicidal thoughts can turn into actions easily -- your life is worth more than a train ticket. As long as they remain abstract thoughts, it is possible to cope (I'm not saying it's easy) but if you find yourself making plans, your life is in danger. If that happens please seek immediate help -- make contact with A&E/ER and tell them what is happening without withholding anything.

Last thing I can think of is: remember alcohol is a depressant. I don't know whether you drink, but if you do, please consider stopping. Alcohol makes you feel better in the short term but it pushes you deeper into depression the day after.

My PM inbox is open if you'd like to ask anything -- or just post here. In any case please keep us posted. Big hugs if wanted.

Thank you for the reply. I really appreciate it. I wasn't in a bit of a hurry when I wrote my initial post, and wasn't able to clarify better. I've been on just about every antidepressant available in Canada, and tried different classes of drugs with poor effects. I've also been on a few mood stabilizers (at one point I was believed to have bipolar 2 disorder) The side effects were always too bad for me to continue, and just didn't help. I do have a counselor I've been seeing for about four years but cognitive behavioral therapy doesn't seem to help, either.

I've been trying and trying to get a referral to a psychiatrist in the city nearby me, with better health care, but it has been two years with no luck. The only possible for me to see one is to move to another province. I have a pretty complicated case, so the psychiatrists I've seen only want to deal with my anxiety, and brush away my depression and other Issues or just say they aren't able to help me. (One psychiatrist made it impossible for me to see the other psychiatrist in my town by saying i am a drug seeker for REFUSING to take antipsychotics when I am in no way psychotic.)

As for alcohol, I rarely drink for that reason.
I have to go back to class but hopefully this extra information may be able to give more insight to my situation.

Hello,

since unfortunately I know nothing about Canadian mental health system, I spoke to a Canadian friend of mine who recommends you look at this link:
http://www.health.gov.nl.ca/health/ment ... p_now.html

He added "Here in Canada patients can self-refer and do not need a doctor's referral to get into a mental health program.".

Sorry to hear your journey has been so long -- here I go thinking you were just on one anti-depressant. Some of the mood stabilisers, like lithium (which I am on) also work as anti-depressants -- but I guess you've tried that already. In cases where medication failed to help ECT is another possibility -- if you would consider it of course (and if you can find a psychiatrist who isn't useless -- your story about being labelled as a drug seeker unfortunately sounds familiar, one of my psychiatrists was a similar type of "thinker" and I only managed to get rid of him by sending an official letter of complaint to his supervisor).

Big hugs. I wish I could help more.