Losing & Failing

Maybe I'm just a sore loser, crybaby, whiny ass scrub.
I hate competing for anything, ever, at all, because failing even in the slightest cause me to spiral into dramatic self-beration. For example, losing at a video game makes me storm off, ranting about how I deserve to be drawn, quartered, and shot in the head. I often contemplate suicide, while writing letters to the company, telling them how their product made me kill myself. A particular set of missions in the game Destiny have me feeling like Sysyphus, pushing the boulder up the mountain only to have it roll back down. Every time the boulder falls, I become more and more convinced of what a worthless rube I am, and resign myself to never being worth anything to anyone ever again.
I play games because I enjoy doing things with my friends, but when they always seem to get better and I just keep getting worse, it weighs heavily on me. I feel as though I can't stop playing, because a friend bought me an XboxOne specifically so I could play with them.
What are my options here? "Get better, you weak ass scrub"? Or should I just stop altogether, so that I can finally have nothing at all in common with my friends and die alone and loveless.
Or am I really just being a drama queen and I need to get over it and learn to lose gracefully? Like everyone's told me my entire life?

NovieNorth wrote:Maybe I'm just a sore loser, crybaby, whiny ass scrub.
I hate competing for anything, ever, at all, because failing even in the slightest cause me to spiral into dramatic self-beration. For example, losing at a video game makes me storm off, ranting about how I deserve to be drawn, quartered, and shot in the head. I often contemplate suicide, while writing letters to the company, telling them how their product made me kill myself. A particular set of missions in the game Destiny have me feeling like Sysyphus, pushing the boulder up the mountain only to have it roll back down. Every time the boulder falls, I become more and more convinced of what a worthless rube I am, and resign myself to never being worth anything to anyone ever again.
I play games because I enjoy doing things with my friends, but when they always seem to get better and I just keep getting worse, it weighs heavily on me. I feel as though I can't stop playing, because a friend bought me an XboxOne specifically so I could play with them.
What are my options here? "Get better, you weak ass scrub"? Or should I just stop altogether, so that I can finally have nothing at all in common with my friends and die alone and loveless.
Or am I really just being a drama queen and I need to get over it and learn to lose gracefully? Like everyone's told me my entire life?

Competition is a fool's errand. Competitive people are invariably those who foster a very low self-esteem. They compete because they desire approval. A footballer, for example, is cheered when he scores a goal. This makes him feel good, it boosts his self-esteem. But when he misses, the crowd looks on with indifference and the footballer feels bad because he has not be granted approval by the spectators.

Those who do anything for approval are invariably building a house on sandy foundations. Because there will come a time when you are not granted with approval, and you will feel terrible when this happens.

Don't be fooled by the need to compete. When I was at school a boy said to me, 'I can run faster than you can!' in a taunting fashion. I replied, 'Probably. You can probably run twice as fast as me. So what?' I didn't care if he could run faster than me or not.

If I am going to participate in anything, then it's to enjoy the participation. I don't care whether I win or not because I don't require approval, I know myself better than that. So my advice is that if you can enjoy doing things because you enjoy doing them, rather than wanting to win, that is much better for you than engaging in competitive behaviour.