fantasizing about murder and suicide *possible trigger*

i'm not really sure how to describe this... like i would never kill someone unless i absolutely had to but when i'm in a particularly 'depressed' mood i often find myself imagining pulling a gun to my head or stabbing a clone of myself to death in the temple, that is not unusual with depression i assume but what worries me is when i feel very angry or irritated by someone else i imagine brutally murdering them, like beating them to death or chocking them or stabbing them in the head and when i'm in that mood i don't think that it's wrong i see it like i would be doing the world a favour by reducing the amount of humans so it doesn't matter (i'm really misanthropic even when i'm not feeling rock bottom). i hope i don't ever act out these fantasies but yeah i just wanted to ask if this is to be expected when someone is depressed? or is this a serial killer trait?

Hey Afro,

You're not alone. I would consider myself a very sensitive person who even cries when I see a reptile get hurt or someone selling strawberries on the street corner but when I'm severely depressed, I, too, feel violently angry. I never have acted on (Thank GOD), but I have to admit that thoughts have crossed my mind. I don't visualize hurting innocent people, but if there is someone who is constantly mistreating me (or people from my past who have traumatized me), I do imagine hurting and sometimes even killing them. I think that as long as you have the self-control to handle yourself, you're OK. Those thoughts come and go. I am actually feeling pretty "emotionally violent" myself these past few days, but I know they'll pass. I, too, am very distrusting towards people even when I'm not depressed.

I would say that what we have is a lot of repressed anger towards other people that was never expressed. What we do is internalize it and take it out on ourselves, but then when we get to the point where we can't handle all that negative tension towards ourselves, we (in some ways rightly) direct it back towards those (or people who remind us of those) who hurt/damaged us.

If you're worried about being crazy or immoral for having these thoughts, don't be too concerned--unless you feel like you are actually going to act out. The fact that you care about this means you really aren't col-blooded. Cold-blooded people wouldn't even care if they hurt anyone. They would just do it and not even be bothered. I think you are a deeply wounded/hurt individual who actually wants to be loved (same as me) but doesn't feel they can get it, so to maintain a sense of power or relief, we sometimes resort to these fantasies.