My Boyfriend's Depression

Hey everyone!

I'm really hoping someone can help me out here. Just to give a little bit of background info, I've been in an on/off relationship with my boyfriend for 11 months (although its only gotten on/off for the past 2 months). I have borderline personality disorder, which my boyfriend does not know about (mainly because I'm really scared he just won't understand and he'll think I'm being overdramatic as that's all he tells me whenever we argue). However, my boyfriend has told me he was diagnosed with clinical depression a few years ago and was on anti-depressants but he told me he's now absolutely fine and no longer deals with his depression. A little while later he told me the depression was triggered by a breakup with an ex girlfriend, and all feelings of her and his breakup are now gone. We're currently in our "off" stage and we have been for about a month now, and we're both walking on eggshells trying to fix our problems (which extend beyond mental illness).

Today, we were both very busy and didn't talk as much as we usually do. I got a sudden text tonight of him telling me that he feels lonely and sad all the time. I tried asking questions and while he answered all of them, it was kind of emotionless. To be honest, it crossed my mind that he was just bored and wanted to scare me with something. He seemed to have come to the conclusion that he doesn't need help, and there's nothing anyone can do and he went to bed. He has always had a problem with opening up to me, so I try really hard to be supportive and not pry too much because he'll get mad if I get too far. I'm not really sure why he decided to tell me now, or what I should do. I really want to encourage him to continue to talk to me even if all that I can offer is a listening ear, but I don't want to force him or push him too far to where he just backs off completely. Does anyone have any insight? Anything would be much appreciated. Thank you in advance!

I don't think I can guess. My best bet would be to be that listening ear. But to wait for him to initiate a conversation on an emotional level. Like he did by commenting about feeling lonely and bored. If he's sincere, then that's a small hurdle to get across to be able to open up to you. If he's insincere, then you aren't losing anything by taking him seriously. Jerking you around would only reflect badly on him.

It could be that he's starting to deal with another round of depression. Or just that he is finding things difficult at the moment. [Miserable, not depressed.] The time of year can trigger stressful reflection in lots of people. But I don't think you can know until there's more information. It's crappy that you have to be on the receiving end of that kind of uncertainty. It doesn't make the friend/relation ship any easier.