depression & asperger's, things seeming hopeless

Don't know why I even bothered trying to go back on meds and sign up to start therapy. Should have known I wouldn't be able to. (Very likely getting kicked off insurance.) There's always something ready to squash any chance of happiness, every time. Some pathetic thought that maybe I could be normal enough to be a person. But even without the depression and anxiety I still wouldn't be. I used to see some benefits to having asperger's, but I can't even remember what they were now. Nothing's going to take away the isolation. Can't connect to other people, no matter how much I want to or not. Closest I get to social interaction is saying "hello" and "thank you" to cashiers at stores. No amount of pills or therapy could make people see me as a person, at least not in the way they are. No interaction, just pity at best, sometimes disgust, most of them avoid me. No matter how normal I try to seem, they know I'm not like them, that something's not right about me. And there's no pill, no kind of treatment that could ever fix that anyway.

Don't really know why I'm posting this mess of (probably incoherent) self-pity, but I typed it out so I guess I'll post it anyway; hope it doesn't come across as too annoying.

It really isn't an aspie world is it..
We're awkward, we have no idea what to say because we think we'll sound dumb or people will hate us.. and that's born out of experience because people do tell us we sound dumb and people do hate us.
Not all of them though.. other aspies don't think we sound dumb and quite a lot of other people on this site don't think we sound dumb either.


You are normal enough to be a person.. you're just not an NT and trying to wedge yourself into an NT slot and fit in there properly is like trying to shove a house down a chimney.. it's not going to work.
So, you need to find out where you do fit instead.. you clearly don't fit with most NTs, neither do i and i walk around most days wishing that i was an NT but i'm not.

I can't remember where i read it but i thought it was good ''I'm not a failed NT, I'm a successful Aspie''
Success for me has to be different to what an NT views as success.. you wouldn't call a cat useless or shame it for failing to bark.


Come up to the aspie forum and see that you're not on your own here..
maybe find a aspie meet up group in your local area or go and join a club for a hobby you've always wanted to try.
Also, pm me any time you like - it seriously sucks that the world has made you feel this way.. because trust me, you are enough xx

seabreezeblue wrote:You are normal enough to be a person.. you're just not an NT and trying to wedge yourself into an NT slot and fit in there properly is like trying to shove a house down a chimney..

Thanks for responding to my post, I really appreciate the advice - its not always easy to think of solutions on my own when I'm far enough into a depressed mindset. I have to keep reminding myself of not having to make myself into an NT, but its hard to remember that sometimes. I have looked a the aspie forum and definitely do want to post there more often, I just have to put more effort/practice into how to better articulate my thoughts into a coherent topic/reply - its not as easy as it seems.

As for joining an aspie meetup group, I think that would something I would really like to do, if I can find one in my area (I might be moving nearer to a city later this year, which should make it easier to find one.)