It's happening again

Where do I start? What do I say? Those are really my two questions that I don't have the energy or focus or courage to answer. I had an episode of depression about 6 yrs ago when I got divorced. I went to my family dr and he prescribed paxil. It helped some, enough. It made me feel unlike myself but better than I had been. After a year and a half I went off. I had withdrawls. Jump to now. Everything is going very well, job, kids, boyfriend that I live with. Except that I am becoming depressed again. I don't know why. I don't know how, what words, with what courage, to tell my SO. He asks me if everything is ok. I say yes. Just tired. I go on autopilot around people, and cry when I'm alone. I have insurance but I don't live close to my old dr. I don't really have one here. I don't get sick much and the gyno that I see for annual checks is obviously not the place to start. I could call the clinic and make an appt with a general dr. But I have to explain to a receptionist what the appt is for, and then the nurse who always comes in first, and then the dr. I could call the behavioral health place in town. Not even sure who would answer or how I'd explain what I want. I don't even know what I want.

My understanding is that if you have been depressed in the past that it is more likely to occur again. I think that is normal. My suggestion would be to call the behavioral health place. They understand about depression and what people go through. Also, I would say to tell your SO. He won't understand what is going on with you, he will end up just guessing (which is never good), and that will affect your relationship.

I am now in a relationship with a wonderful man. He was previously in another relationship, with a person suffering from depression, one who wouldn't talk about it and respond to questions with "I'm fine, just tired" sort of answers. They eventually split because he couldn't take the situation anymore. I, on the other hand, have been open about my condition since it's been diagnosed (we were together for 10 months at that point). I went through heaven and hell with him. And we're still together, and as happy as is possible.

I definitely recommend you tell your SO. Show him this post of yours for starters and allow him to ask questions. If he doesn't know anything about depression, point him to some sources -- if he doesn't read books, this is a good starting point:

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.nl/20 ... t-two.html

As for your medical problems, why not call and say "hello, I have been depressed 6 years ago and prescribed medication, now my depression is returning, I would like to make an appointment". Then let the dr do the work from here -- they're paid for something after all.

I hope you manage to talk to your SO -- big hugs. And I hope your depressive episode doesn't last long.