Depression again...

Well i was not depressed for about 3 weeks. It came back again, i usualy get depressed for about a week then it goes away and comes back later some times it last for a day or a few hours intbetween the big time periods of it.

Anyway the past 2 days i have just wanted to sit around, things i have been forced to do havint been fun or enjoying. I just feel like there is nothing to live for; everything i want i know will not come true. I hate feeling so empty inside; i hate going to bed everynight just wishing that i would not wake up, sleeping is so peace full and nice. The only thing bad about it is when i try to go to sleep my mind races and lately it really hurts me mentally. My mind races over everything i have failed at every dream that didnt and wont come, the failure i will become... I cant stand it... Even waking up sucks my who head aches my throat is always dry and i am dizzy when i stand.
I hate hanging out with most people there al so annoying and stupid i just wish they would have a heart attack and die.
I think about death constantly; i dont think about killing myself its jsut everything i do i think about me dieing. Driving a car i just imagine a crash, sitting there i jsut imagine having a heart attack, eating i just imagine posion or e-coli or something getting me.
I just really want live to be good isntead of what it is.

somthing that helped me was a trial period with valiums, i mean, my doc will give me a 30 day presc of them every two months, i take them when i need them most, for the thoughts..... and then when i get up, things are better, also, don't sleep all day, i've made that mistake way too many times, i try to only get about 7 hrs now, where as i used to sleep 16.....anyway, the sleeping pills helped a bunch, now, when i get them, i don't have to worry as much about those damn thoughts.

Oakchair wrote:Well i was not depressed for about 3 weeks. It came back again, i usualy get depressed for about a week then it goes away and comes back later some times it last for a day or a few hours intbetween the big time periods of it.

Anyway the past 2 days i have just wanted to sit around, things i have been forced to do havint been fun or enjoying. I just feel like there is nothing to live for; everything i want i know will not come true. I hate feeling so empty inside; i hate going to bed everynight just wishing that i would not wake up, sleeping is so peace full and nice. The only thing bad about it is when i try to go to sleep my mind races and lately it really hurts me mentally. My mind races over everything i have failed at every dream that didnt and wont come, the failure i will become... I cant stand it... Even waking up sucks my who head aches my throat is always dry and i am dizzy when i stand.
I hate hanging out with most people there al so annoying and stupid i just wish they would have a heart attack and die.
I think about death constantly; i dont think about killing myself its jsut everything i do i think about me dieing. Driving a car i just imagine a crash, sitting there i jsut imagine having a heart attack, eating i just imagine posion or e-coli or something getting me.
I just really want live to be good isntead of what it is.

Oh oakie,
Ihave been here many many times. It seems like you are suffering from some very severe depression. You can not find enjoyment in anything, even things that you used to enjoy? If yes, then it is getting to be pretty out of control. I know the feeling of not wanting to get out of bed. You are so right it seems like the only time you are at peace is when your sleeping. Because when you're awake everything seems so ugly and miserable. I used to force myself back to sleep in the morning when I was feeling like this. But then I felt worse because aI slept my day away. UGH, I hate that. I just got over a terrible episode very similar to yours. You can get better. You don't have to suffer like this.

Thinkng only negative things about yourself is also another indication of the severity of this. But, your goals and dreams that haven't yet been met are still available even though it may seem right now that nothing good is possible. When you lie in bed and think about all of these things do you get anxious or more depressed? Lethargy is another big symptom that I have dealt with, and it seems to contribute to the feeling of hopelessness. Like it is almost impossible to do anything. It even gets hard to take care of yourself. Am I right? As for the aches and pains you describe, those are also probably due to the depression. This sucks huh. I feel ya man.

As for the thoughts of death, that is so common in people with major depression. But how repetetive these thoughts of death are is somewhat concerning. When depression is left untreated for a long time, these type of obsessions can occur. This is another sign that the depression is getting very severe.

So now my question to you is: Are you recieving care by a professional for this? If so, maybe you need a med adjustment. If not, I really encourage you to do so. If that is not your thing, or if you are against psychotropic medication, there are some alternative methods to help you cope with this. You really don't have to suffer like this. There are so many ways to conquer this demon. Take care of yourself.
Amy

Oakchair wrote:Well i was not depressed for about 3 weeks. It came back again, i usualy get depressed for about a week then it goes away and comes back later some times it last for a day or a few hours intbetween the big time periods of it.

Anyway the past 2 days i have just wanted to sit around, things i have been forced to do havint been fun or enjoying. I just feel like there is nothing to live for; everything i want i know will not come true. I hate feeling so empty inside; i hate going to bed everynight just wishing that i would not wake up, sleeping is so peace full and nice. The only thing bad about it is when i try to go to sleep my mind races and lately it really hurts me mentally. My mind races over everything i have failed at every dream that didnt and wont come, the failure i will become... I cant stand it... Even waking up sucks my who head aches my throat is always dry and i am dizzy when i stand.
I hate hanging out with most people there al so annoying and stupid i just wish they would have a heart attack and die.
I think about death constantly; i dont think about killing myself its jsut everything i do i think about me dieing. Driving a car i just imagine a crash, sitting there i jsut imagine having a heart attack, eating i just imagine posion or e-coli or something getting me.
I just really want live to be good isntead of what it is.

I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes, the smallest of things can trigger big depression for me. I am on a medication called Lexapro now that works really well for me. I have been able to identify the triggers that causes my depression and when that happens I go on medication. I am currently taking medication now because I feel into a depression about three weeks ago. Meds works very well for me, if you are not trying any you should.

Sitting in front of a shrink doesn't work well for me, I find chatting on boards like this works. Everyone is different thought but the most important thing is that you take measures to change the way you are feeling, and meds are a good start. Take care.