My friend's depression has gone way too extreme

I had a best friend for 16 years, but her depression has taken her too far to an extreme that I cannot really talk to her anymore because it is starting to interfere with my life and depression as well.

I was diagnosed with major depression disorder as well, and I am managing it with medication and psychology counseling. That's one of the conditions we have had in common since we have been friends. The problem is, her life has gone to a major plummeting extreme that I just have been having a hard time dealing with her on the phone, in person, or online anymore because she can start to get nasty, and then the next day uses her depression or change of medication as the reason, and then it will happen all over again.

A couple weeks ago, she started going off at me on Facebook because of a post that had absolutely nothing to do with her, but a lot because I didn't agree with her comments on the thread and she thought something I said about someone else who I dealt with at work was really about her. She told me I cared more about my online reputation than I did about our friendship, which is absurd. I've probably irritated more people online with religious and political discussions and really have had no interest in being a diplomatic cool person on Facebook. She apologized the next day and said that just wasn't her and her new medications have been making her act up.

Then I went into my old hometown to visit family and she lives there too, and it was a 11 hour drive and I only go there about 1-2 times per year on average. I took her out to dinner, and we used to hang out really late, but she was starting to come up with reasons to want to go home after less than 2 hours. We were supposed to go somewhere together the next morning, but she texted me later saying that her work said if she didn't come in four hours early they would fire her, and then later she said she walked out on her job.

I asked her if she wanted to spend more time together before I left town, and she said yes. I was staying with my grandma, and she was only going to go to some card playing club if I had plans, because she had to get a care giver for my grandpa who is physically disabled if she went out, but wouldn't if I didn't have plans. I told my friend this, and she said she was positive she wanted to hang out the next day. Then the next day, she said she was too depressed and didn't feel like seeing anyone after all that. I only responded by saying that she was positive she wanted to hang out, and my relatives made plans to do other things because of her, and that she just isn't dependable because she canceled on me several times that weekend. She waited until I was out of town and then blocked me on Facebook and hasn't talked to me since.

I just don't really understand what is wrong with her. She has been the most unreliable, inconsistent, and moody person I've known this past year or so. She quit two of her jobs she had been at for awhile because her co-workers were stressing her out, and since she has had about more than 4 jobs that she keeps walking out with some different reason about either they weren't giving her hours, her boss was insulting her, or something else. She sometimes says she wants to talk on the phone and gets excited, than within 30 minutes she said that she just took several xanax pills before I called and has to go soon. She drinks a lot of alcohol as well and takes depression and anxiety pills on a daily basis. She has been out of high school for 8 years but cannot decide what she wants to do with her life. She kept applying to go to community college, but three times she backed out because she either didn't have enough money or didn't have time. When she finally did get enrolled, she dropped out halfway through the semester. She talked to one professional counselor one time, but their relationship didn't work out, so she didn't go back and didn't get another one. She is even talking about applying for disability because she says her depression is keeping her from being able to work.

The past few months when I called her about a problem I was dealing with, sometimes she would be real supportive, then the next day she would either blow me off or say she was talking to a friend on another line and not even seem to care. She has sudden mood changes left and right that she has just become so unpredictable. I was expecting her to try and e-mail me before she blocked me to set things straight, but I didn't even know what I was gonna say to her. I don't need the person she is now as my friend, I need the person she used to be before she went all down hill and started using her depression as an excuse for everything.

Whilst I understand the friendship clearly means a lot to you this friend is really not helping you right now. You suffer from depression yourself - do you blame it all or take it out on all the people you know? It's not fair of her to take her moods out on you or to expect you to fix it either.

Obviously I don't know you or your friend but it really sounds as if you need to take some time out for yourself. This is doing you no good and you have to look after yourself right now. There's nothing to say you can't be friends in the future. Maybe it's just best you took a step back, focus on you for a change. You need to be around people that make you feel better.

I wish you luck and hope you manage to sort things out.