i just dont know how to continue

well, i never thought things would changed, 20 ######6 yrs, but, suddenly, they have, it's scary, like walking on water when you can, you think it's not possible, but then you do.....

best advice i can give is hang in there, and get a job or find an activity where you can make some friendships, thats what saved me.

It's always good to let things out, and I'm sure the people here don't mind listening.

I think one of the things you mentioned is something that many others feel - nobody else understands. And how could they? One thing my life, this depression, and this anger has done is push me mentally and emotional into places I have never been to before.

I have been on the brink so many times that it makes communicating and relating with others near impossible. Nobody can quite grasp what another might feel, and this is even less so when your experiences and your emotions have clearly affected you in such a profound manner.

How can you adjust normally after really wanting your life to end? How can you get back on track and relate with others after you've nearly taken your life and decided not to. Nobody will ever understand your pain, emptiness, distress and overwhelming helpnessness?

Depression isn't just about dealing with the causes, but its also about dealing with depression itself.

Yet, I am still here, but my life hasn't improved not one bit. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger right? Wrong, it only makes you suffer. I cant say my depression has made me a better person. It has destroyed me inside and out.

I also don't see a future, but I'm not one to give up. Or am I?

This is too much for anyone's mind to deal with - afterall, human instinct is to survive, and to feel like you want it all to end is something that is going to do considerable damage, perhaps worse.

I'm probably not helping, but I would say that there are people out there that feel the same. Perhaps they dont feel what you do indentically, but they still feel it. Knowing that others feel it isn't much consolation I guess, but it can prove some comfort knowing you're not alone.