i just dont know how to continue

I just hate my life so much. I just hate everything. I tried so many medications and nothing seems to work. I just don't think nothing can change a person when they get so depressed. I cut, i only eat 1 bowl of cereal in the morning, nothing else the rest of the day. Only water. And lately i been thinking of suicide. I feel so lonely and sad. i have no friends or family. And when i see people together it makes me mad, cause i dont have that. I dont think anybody understands how it feels to really have nobody. And i get mad and i start hating myself. Im 20yrs old. I have so many years in front of me, but I don't see happiness down the road, i don't see a future. If this is how life is going to be the rest of my life. Why live like this right? I dont know, i am just venting.

Lostnthswrld is there anything that is making you so sad or is it just a feeling that is there all the time?
DO you not eat because your not hungry or because you feel bad or what? I think you should try to eat something during the day it might help you feel better and it will at least make you healthyer.
Go out and try to make some friends if your in school talk to some one new and try to set something up or something.
If your not at school go over to a neigbors house and hang out with them or something find a way to make some friends.
Lostnthswrld right now look straight forward, how long can you see? My point is that you can tell what is ahead you dont know what lays in the future.
Its ok to vent well i think its ok to vent.

if we don't vent, we hold it in, in the end, it blows up>>>>>


you must have family, maybe you, like me, just don't quite know how to relate to them, or maybe they don't know how to relate to you? what meds have you been on, anti d's didn't work for me, maybe a mood stabilizer would for you? idk, but i'm sure there are people who love you.

I hate being lonely. I just don't like myself, and my life. I do not eat the rest of the day because i guess I feel that im fat. And that i will gain weight if i eat. MoraMind i have not seen my family for over 2 years. They can reach me if they wanted too, but they don't. They are not talking to me, because i think that its because that i put my father in jail after 15yrs of abuse. And they don't believe me. I have been on all diff. anti-d. Nothing seems to get better. I don't see that life is going to get better. I don't know....

Lostnthwrld you should eat the rest of the day at least small meals though out. This will keep you healther and bost your matabolism(how ever thats spelled) which then in turn causes you to lose weight! probably wont lose much because of the extra food, but you will be healther.
I am sorry about your abuse and your family you cant vent on me if you want.
I think you should move on with your life. i am no expert though : (
Los to tnthwrld did you or are you going to try what i suggested? Just go out and try to make some new friends and meet some new people, it cant hurt or make thigns worse.
I hope things start to go better for you.
Are you in school or have a job or...?

I have anxiety. When I meet people I get nervous. My body like shuts down some times when im with people, and I hardly talk, or have nothing that i want to talk about. And they are the ones that are always talking. And not many people would want to be my friend if they see that im depressed and cut. I lost my only friends that I had, because of this. I just quit my last job, Im starting a new job soon.

Lost no one will ever be your friend inless you communicate and try to be theirs.
Try not to think of you trying to gain there friendship or giving them a good impression try to think of it the other way around.
Maybe try to make friends with your co workers on your next job.
Trust me people will still be your friends if your depressed and cut.

Lost, I will not say that I know just how you feel. No one knows exactly how situations effect others. I can say I have some similar situations in my life.
I have no family, they have all passed away. The last one when I was 36 yrs. old. My depression became so bad after this that I could not contribute to my relationship so that ended. I had not contributed much to my friendships either so they were people who just were occasionally in the background, but not who I could talk to. In the 4 years after this I gained 60 lbs.
I have been working on getting better but it is frustrating. I also have been on many meds that have not helped. I believe it has now been 6.
Any how, some ideas I had, have you thought about volunteering somewhere. It gets you out around people and it is something that will help you to feel good about yourself. When I first tried to volunteer I was too sick (depressed) I could not make myself go. I know you have anxiety, but there are some voluntary jobs that do not require much interaction. You could work yourself up. I have anxiety also.
My psych. told me that when you are depressed due to an event ie. family dying or in your case possibly due to abuse as achild and then family rejection you need to also deal with those issues along with meds. or meds alone will not work. Just like putting a band-aid on a gushing wound. He talked me into going to see a therapist. Are you counseling with someone or is that a possibility for you. At the least it forces you to get cleaned up, dressed and out somewhere.

The eating situation.~~~ When I felt so depressed I could not eat I would try to take advantage of that and at least eat a few things that are "good" for me. Some veg., small piece of meat or fruit. Remember when you go long periods with out eating your body thinks it is starving and will be training itself to hold onto every thing you put in it. Thus, counter productive to loosing weight.

Please hang in there Lost, look forward to hearing from you again.

cJo

Lostnthswrld,

When I was about your age I felt about like you do. I saw nothing in my future. I was angry that so many had so much more than I did. I took a handful of meds each and every day. I gained over 100 pounds. I hated myself and wanted to die each and every day.

Eventually, things got better. I had to do things to help myself: go to support groups, help others, exercise, get a God of my understanding. Today, I feel good for having the courage to not kill myself years ago. My life has been good and full. I'm glad I did not kill myself. I hope you keep trying. At your age, you can't see all that you could contribute to the world.
Good Luck,
Jim S

Thank you Cjo and jims. I hope that it will get better. Right now I just feel like things will never change, I dont think i would ever have a family again, it has been over 2 years and it hurts that they are alive, but they don't want to communicate with me at all. And i dont see myself being married. I hate holidays, because I spend them by myself. I tried going to someones house, but i feel worse, because i see that they have a family and I don't.
Cjo how are you doing? Im sorry about your loss. I hope your doing okay. I like that "putting a band-aid on a gushing wound". That is true. You must deal with what is bothering you or you will never heal. I just started to realize that medication won't work for anybody that is dealing with some kind of sadness or trauma. Medication doesn't work alone. You need to talk about everything that is bothering you. I heard that if you let it out just everything that is on your mind little by little, you will start to feel better. My only problem is that im not use to talking and letting my feelings out and everything. I was raised in a very violent house, and wasn't taught to express my feelings or just talk about them. And at school i was always by myself, because i felt so different from the others and i couldnt talk to them, because i was told not to tell anybody or i would be in trouble. Anyways i have a very hard time talking about how i feel. But in here for some reason i sort of can. Maybe because everyone can relate one way or another. Im not sure.
About the eating thing, I try to eat more than just a bowl of cereal a day. But it's like i just can't. I feel horrible if i eat, and i am constantly worried about my weight, even though im told that im not overweight. Im also constantly weighing myself.
Anyways i hope things will change. I guess its not great living, that you want to die and cut everyday and everything. It's so hard.
Thanks for replying