by Rhidian » Wed Oct 15, 2014 8:38 pm
"Not really able to feel emotions" is a symptom of my Dysthymia (now called Persistent Depressive Disorder in the DSM-V), and is something that has been with me for my adult life. I think I had emotions as a child, but that's pretty far back at this point.
Reading around online, I believe a better term would be "apathy" rather than "anhedonia", even though lack of pleasure from 'enjoyable' activities is also part of what I experience. That being said, I'm not sure what the distinguishing factor between apathy and alexithymiic would be, since they seem to me to have the same observable effect to an observer; an altered affect (restricted/blunted/flat).
I don't think the term alexithymiic completely applies to me, since I know there are a few emotions that there is a consistent trigger for (and I can identify those emotions). Beyond my 'calm' (apathetic) emotion all of the time, I get sad when I hear about death, 'indignant' when confronted with what I perceive to be a slight to my rights, and sometimes 'spiteful' when I am contemplating a response (I am able to reason myself out of these when they occur, since they're really counter productive). There are also times when I do experience happiness unconsciously, but it takes a lot more effort (stimulation) and is short lived, passing when I notice it.
That being said, I wouldn't be able to say I'm not able to identify a certain emotion in myself, since by definition I wouldn't be identifying it. I can see when others are experiencing emotions, but my emotional response is lacking.
I suppose for now, "apathy" should be the term I use when talking about what I am experiencing?