I'm crazy? No, my psychiatrist is...

Hello. I have been struggling with anxiety and depression since my Mother was diagnosed with AIDS in 2005, and I became her sole caregiver while in college. It's been a very difficult road to go through, especially since my mom was bipolar and struggled with substance abuse. After her sudden death in 2007 from an unknown heart condition related to AIDS, I have been struggling with forgiving her for the pain she put me through, plus her death leaving me with no parents as my Father died of AIDS when I was a child. Growing up, I not only was physically abused by my Mom, but emotionally, leaving me with mixed emotions about every family member living or dead. She brainwashed me to believe that she was the only person I could trust and who truly loved me. Since her death, I have learned that most of the brainwashing was not true, but since it started so early in my life, I have hard time trusting my family. Recently, I have had a nervous breakdown trying to understand my emotions, which has lead me to be on disability due to not being able to perform my job at 100%. My job is my dream job, which I worked very hard to accomplish, which has also lead to feelings of hopelessness. I started seeking treatment immediately after I was put on disability. Since my first session with my psychiatrist, he has been playing around with many different medications, without explanation, even though I know a lot about the subject because I am a nurse. I continued with his plan of treatment, but at my last session, he threatened me with the choice to go back to work or receive ECT treatment. I was suicidal at the beginning of my treatment, but no longer have those feelings. I have a month to decide between going back to work or going forward with ECT. I have studied ECT and learned that most patients have between some to a lot of memory loss, which scares me. A friend of mine, who is an MFT believes this treatment is too extreme with the progress I have made since starting medications and therapy. Is ECT as bad as I have discovered, or is it something I should consider. Please help me in this matter. I want to do everything I can to get better, but I do not want to lose who I am and certainly not my memory since that is the only thing I have to remember my parents, who I miss dearly, especially my Father who always too special care of me. If anyone has any insight into ECT, please help. I am willing to share more about my current treatment and progress. Thank you.

Hi Help, i dont know much about ECT, however you may want to consider getting an opinion from another psychiatrist? I know it is sometimes difficult to find one that really gets what we are going though and come up with the right medication and therapy. You deserve to find the right plan that works for you so you can overcome this, and with minimal side effects.