Feeling worthless *trigger warning*

This is a feeling I just can't get away from.

I'm currently batting with my fiancé's auto response to being stressed out, which is to ignore the problem, which in this case is me.

I don't expect him to deal with my depression all the time, and I try very hard to keep it to myself as much as possible... but I've had a particularly bad episode and his ignoring me has me in a really bad place mentally. Id normally turn to him first for support, and I don't know how to get out of this if we won't respond to me. We're currently about 200 miles apart as I'm visiting the hospital for post cancer check ups and he's had to stay back home to work. I desperately want to make things right but he won't have anything to do with me today.

This has all been caused by worrying about money, and it just escalated so quickly. I've been left with a lot of physical and emotional pain in the wake of the cancer and I'm not working at the moment, I just can't cope with the idea at all (I lost my last job when my boss decided my diagnosis was an elaborate lie to get a few days off... and I'm terrified of ending up working for another tyrant. On top of this I've been left with agonising pain in my leg, nobody is certain what the cause is but guesses lean toward excess scar tissue or a damaged nerve.)

I appreciate him taking on the financial side of things, and dealing with my depression... for the most part he's fantastic, but I really can't cope with being deliberately ignored, it just affirms all those long held fears that I'm nothing.

Does anybody else struggle with being ignored? it makes me want to hurt myself physically to take away some of the mental pain. How do you all cope with your biggest triggers? (being ignored and feeling like I don't matter or amount to anything to anyone is the top of my list.)

Sounds like you're having a rough time! Being ignored is a horrible feeling and I understand why it would make you feel worthless. Though I think it's not a good thing for your bf to do, I think the fact that you feel worhtless lies within you. You obviously have alot of hard things to deal with, cancer and losing your job, depression is just around the corner when you have to deal with such hard matters.

Something that might help you stop feeling worhtless is changeing your inner diaglogue about yourself. I don't know what the root cause for your insecurity is, but I think at this point you are thinking about yourself in negative ways which leads to low self esteem and subsequent feelings of worthlessness.

I think the way you boyfriend is reacting to you could have to do with him being unable to cope with it in a better way. Meaning that for him, this is difficult to deal with. The ignoring stands for his inability, not your worthlessness. Try to look at yourself the way I would, an outsider. You're allready an amazing person for battling cancer and depression. You're also considering your boyfriends feelings to the point that you keep your depression to yourself. You are more than your problems and you are fighting to do better again, thats valueable.