Insidious depression & memory loss.

Hello.

I've suffered from depression since my teen years. It has been an on-off-relationship, and each time it takes me by surprise after a good phase (usually lasts from 6 to 12 months after quitting medication). Each time the symptoms are different. I've taken SSRI medication three times already, and I guess it is time for round four.

I don't consider myself majorly depressed, as I find good things in my life, and find joy in many of them. Still, whenever I tell a doctor about my weird symptoms, they tell me it's mental. I get diagnosis, but have a hard time believing it.

My symptoms (this time) are more like annoying than a "threat to my health". I often feel down, and like I'm of little to no worth to anyone (including my SO who loves me very much, and gives me support and affection). I'm too embarrassed to tell her that I take medication, because she has judged the whole topic of "depression and medication" when we started dating. I'm afraid that she'll judge me (which I KNOW won't happen, if I can be rational about this). She's the "bound to be
depressed" sort herself.

The last 8 months of my life have been exceptionally stressful due to relationship issues. I've noticed that I no longer register things that have been said, or things that I've studied or read. I can't remember details. As soon as I listen to a conversation, the things I've heard and collected go to the back of my brain, and are forgotten. I have trouble remembering details.

Example:

Me and my SO visit a friend, with whom we discuss many a thing. After that we go home, and discuss a topic that is painful for the both of us.

The next day all I can really remember is that we've visited a friend, and we talked.

My head is numb. In many situations I remind myself to "behave", but forget that I've reminded myself, and soon act up. This is all very irritating, and I feel extra stressed because of it.

Has anyone else suffered from memory issues because of bad mental health?

SN