by anything2live4 » Wed Aug 27, 2014 4:41 am
The title says it all. As a person with Asperger's who simply cannot maintain a connection with other people; what's the point? It's like living a life where you're on a radio, sending out signals, but you're on a different channel than everyone else. I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. The only thing that gives me genuine joy, is the abuse of drugs and alcohol. I'm thinking that'd be a nice way to go; just chug a 1.75 liter in one sitting, and die with my B.A.C. more than 10x the legal limit. No one's gonna miss me. Even some of my family rejected me, which drove me to the gangs. I just wanted to feel like there would be people who wouldn't give up on me. Instead, they exploited me. I'm out of that situation now, but I still love to do drugs, as they taught me, and it's the only thing that can put a smile on my face. The only "connections" I made with people are shallow. I believed the people I bought from were my "friends" but to them, I was just part of "business". I'm also primarily attracted to teenage girls. It's very rare for me to find a WOMAN that I connect with, but the most recent one (which I thought was my soul mate, like I did many others) turned into a disaster, just as it always does. I can't even go outside without noticing young, attractive girls, and feeling like a monster. This also contributed to my criminal behavior over the years. I'm a burden on society. I can't connect with people. And I can't go out, without getting fantasies about the teenage girls I see. I should just stay locked up in my house, and smoking, drinking, and do drugs all day, because there's no other joy in this life for me. I think about ending my worthless existance, almost every night.