I feel like my brain is shutting down in a way.

(I couldn't tell if this feeling is related to psychosis or depression, but mods are free to move this to whichever category this thread applies to.)

For a long while, I've felt like I'm in this constant state of emotional numbness. I'm still capable of feeling emotions at times, but they are very weak to me. I do not feel strong emotions like love, but I do feel strong feelings of hate at times. Still, I tend to feel very numb most of the time and I feel like there's nothing that I can do to fix it. However while in this constant state, I've felt something odd happening to me.

You know when you look at pictures of brain scans of normal brains compared to brains with mental illnesses? Whenever I look at the colored brain scans of brains with depression in them and see the blue, I know that I feel like I have that blue in my own brain. Any bright colors like yellow or green and such don't feel like they exist in my brain anymore. I'm not sure if this makes sense, but I could try to explain it if you get confused. I've noticed that I've been feeling this way ever since I've slipped into the emotional numbness.

It is very rare for me to feel something that is not just weak and it is generally when I get angry at myself or others and even that feeling is not very strong. That concerns me a lot, but at least that tells me I still care about something...

I don't know about the brain scans, but I feel like I have dropped several IQ points since I slipped into this. Now, that's what really bothers me, feeling dumb and not focused. That may not be exactly how you feel though. I also feel like there's nothing I can do about any of this, which frustrates me to no end.

I'm not sure if it is possible for your brain to have only the blue color in the scans, but I know very little about this. Maybe you could explain it to me? Also, I think that this is related to depression rather than psychosis, but I don't know, maybe someone could clarify that too?

Aeli wrote:(I couldn't tell if this feeling is related to psychosis or depression, but mods are free to move this to whichever category this thread applies to.)

For a long while, I've felt like I'm in this constant state of emotional numbness. I'm still capable of feeling emotions at times, but they are very weak to me. I do not feel strong emotions like love, but I do feel strong feelings of hate at times. Still, I tend to feel very numb most of the time and I feel like there's nothing that I can do to fix it. However while in this constant state, I've felt something odd happening to me.

You know when you look at pictures of brain scans of normal brains compared to brains with mental illnesses? Whenever I look at the colored brain scans of brains with depression in them and see the blue, I know that I feel like I have that blue in my own brain. Any bright colors like yellow or green and such don't feel like they exist in my brain anymore. I'm not sure if this makes sense, but I could try to explain it if you get confused. I've noticed that I've been feeling this way ever since I've slipped into the emotional numbness.

Sounds like Depersonalization/Derealization?

Tesch wrote:It is very rare for me to feel something that is not just weak and it is generally when I get angry at myself or others and even that feeling is not very strong. That concerns me a lot, but at least that tells me I still care about something...

I don't know about the brain scans, but I feel like I have dropped several IQ points since I slipped into this. Now, that's what really bothers me, feeling dumb and not focused. That may not be exactly how you feel though. I also feel like there's nothing I can do about any of this, which frustrates me to no end.

I'm not sure if it is possible for your brain to have only the blue color in the scans, but I know very little about this. Maybe you could explain it to me? Also, I think that this is related to depression rather than psychosis, but I don't know, maybe someone could clarify that too?

I kind of feel the same way as you in spite of this constant blankness in my head. It feels good that I still care about some things, even if it is a little bit. While I don't think I have the feeling all the time, I definitely do have moments where I feel like I've lost several IQ points. It's an odd feeling to me, but I definitely understand the feeling of being bothered and frustrated by this feeling.

Alright, I'll try to explain the feeling. Here are some pictures of scans of human brains with depression. In my head, it feels like the blue parts of the scans have filled my entire brain. There is no more lighter parts in my brain anymore. It feels like one part of my brain has been closed off as if it's trying to prevent me from feeling something. Like I said, I can still feel emotions, though the feeling of having a part of my head closed off is still here. Along with that, most of my feelings are very weak or I can't feel anything.

Another thing that I wanted to note is that not all the time do I believe that there are lighter spots in my brain, but I have to do something to get past the closed-off part in my head in order to feel a positive emotion and to make the closed-off parts go away. It's kind of like a task you have to do in a video game in order to get to the next level.

By the way, I'm so sorry for the late reply!

rainbowstar wrote:Sounds like Depersonalization/Derealization?

I think it could be that as well. Or maybe alexithymia.

I took a look at those pictures you've posted and I think I understand it better now. I never felt like I had to do something more about my feelings and I'm sorry that you have to make an additional effort to try and feel something. I just feel plainly miserable (when I feel anything) and I think I either accepted that or I never really cared enough until I read your post. I just hope that the brain can recover from long periods of depression and of taking so much medication...

Well, I'm sorry I'm not much help at all. Good luck with everything. Big hugs.

Oh, it's alright! It was a little tricky for me to describe it, but I feel good for being able to describe the feeling more. I also hope that the brain can recover from long periods of both of those things. But it's alright for that, just saying things like "good luck" and "big hugs" makes me feel a little better.