Addicted to Sadness

I would always fantasize about bad situations, mostly about some loved ones dying, getting a serious stroke or losing memory of me. I would play those scenarios out in my mind and I would get really emotional, sometimes to the brink of tears.

Also, it doesn't happen in just my fantasy world. I would purposely craft something up to have a fight with my boyfriend (whom I love a lot, really). I would say that he doesn't do things for me the way other guys would for their girlfriends, or some lame reasons, and bring the argument to a break up. Although this kind of "break up" situations and quarrels always hurt me the most, I can't help myself but to always make it happen. I would "enjoy" the sadness I feel within me, but at the same time, feel really sad about having to break up.

I really do not know what to do. Is this the so-called "addiction to sadness"? What can I do to stop "enjoying" sadness? I really want to stop this because sooner or later it's going to totally ruin my relationship with the guy whom I really want to marry.

*mod edit*

I do this aswell.

I used to do the fights with the boyfriend and I always do the fantasy tragedies like the lovers who don't love me back, even listening to the saddest music I can find and everything.

I think it is just part of the illness. I don't have all the answers, but it is like, with depression you focus and are drawn towards the negative. You can't think of things that make you happy so you think of sad things as if they are what makes you happy.

I don't see how being "addicted to sadness" as you call it is unusual. People are fascinated by tragedy, that is why we have art. Think about all the sad movies there are out there, people love those. People love to cry while watching sad movies. Don't ask me why, that's how we are.

People play out these tragedies in their minds because that's the only place they have any control over them. You can't, say, stop a friend from getting ill.... unless it's just in your head. Then you run through these tragedies to prove to yourself that you could exist even if A, B, and C happened.

Tragedy in fantasy distracts a person from their real problems, their real pain.

Drama and tragedy make us forget about our real daily problems for a while. And avoid them.

Pushing people away in life is an attempt to prove to oneself that they'll "love you no matter what" so you purposefully try to upset them to test their love for you.

And, I think people can be addicted to "sadness" too.... maybe they're afraid to not feel said because they might not feel anything. Or are afraid to be happy for one reason or another (no confidence, afraid something bad will happen if they're happy, they don't deserve happiness, whatever). And, if you've felt a certain emotion for years, you are patterned in that mindset. That mindset is hard to break, so you repeat the same emotions and mental processes. There's a certain sick comfort there.