I would always fantasize about bad situations, mostly about some loved ones dying, getting a serious stroke or losing memory of me. I would play those scenarios out in my mind and I would get really emotional, sometimes to the brink of tears.
Also, it doesn't happen in just my fantasy world. I would purposely craft something up to have a fight with my boyfriend (whom I love a lot, really). I would say that he doesn't do things for me the way other guys would for their girlfriends, or some lame reasons, and bring the argument to a break up. Although this kind of "break up" situations and quarrels always hurt me the most, I can't help myself but to always make it happen. I would "enjoy" the sadness I feel within me, but at the same time, feel really sad about having to break up.
I really do not know what to do. Is this the so-called "addiction to sadness"? What can I do to stop "enjoying" sadness? I really want to stop this because sooner or later it's going to totally ruin my relationship with the guy whom I really want to marry.