If anyone wants to talk, I'm here

Those who are very depressed, possibly suicidal, struggling with every day life... feel free to contact me! I won't be available 24/7 but I will try my best to respond in a timely manner & have some words or encouragement since you matter and are here for a reason. Hopefully I can make a difference in someone's life and possibly gain a new web friend!? lol *mod edit* I'm not a psychologist or counselor or anything of that sort, so I have no experience or background in giving advice unfortunately lol however something inclined me to post this.

I used to struggle with depression when I was younger, a few years straight I was going through it, suicidal thoughts pretty regularly for a period of time... once I lost the depression, it seemed to already invite its cousin over and I was then suffering from anxiety. It had gotten pretty bad but things over the past 3 years (when I moved to another state on my own; everyone says im BRAVE ) have been moving upward and in an awesome direction! slowly but surely! When i moved, I enrolled into school, graduated, now have a career! HOWEVER, my gut is having me interested in pursuing another possible career. *mod edit* I still have some anxiety but I feel as though I'm so close to be anxiety FREE!!! I'm 27 now, although I still look like I could be in high school haha smh, female and I'm just wanting to help someone who may possibly be going through what I was or just needs a friend. I lost a close family member to suicide just 2 months after I moved to this new state and words can't describe how i felt when i received that phone call. *mod edit*

I'd like to know more about you... feel free to leave me a message in my inbox or on here. Again, I'm not a psychologist, doctor, counselor so I won't have all the specific answers but I will be honest and here to listen *mod edit*

I'm trying to get you to smile!

*mod edit*

Thank you, liveyourdream, for making yourself available to contact for those that need help. I myself am not feeling suicidal or really bad right now, I'm in my "good phase", but I appreciate what you are doing anyway. Just seeing this post made me smile knowing that there are people who care and understand, so, thanks for that.

Thank you Tesch !!

I appreciate your message a lot! You made my day , we can still talk if you'd like to... you being in a "good phase" is awesome and it can definitely turn permanent, allowing you to then say "good life"! Any progression is good progression!

Thanks, liveyourdream. You made my day just by saying I made yours, so, that's nice

I sure hope that I'll one day be able to say I'm in a "good life". From what I can see now it seems that things will be just fine, except that there is still that voice in the corner of my mind that tells me it is just joke, just a way for me to suffer more, you know? Like I'm just happy now so I can fall longer and harder later. Aside from that and my obviously diminished intelligence, yeah, things are good. For how long, I do not know.

Like I said before, I appreciate what you are doing. Not many (very few) people understand or care much about mental illnesses, especially where I come from (or where I live now). Just the other day my driving teacher asked me how could someone drive so well in a lesson and then so bad at another and, well, all I could think of was the fact that I was taking more medication than usual due to my hallucinations starting to happen again, so I told him my meds may be making me less focused, possibly? He asked me why I needed to take those so I told him and what did he do? He laughed at my face. Yeah. To recover from that was a nightmare, I don't know how I did not give up on my lessons. Anyway, thanks for understanding. You seem to be a very nice person

Tesch wrote:Just the other day my driving teacher asked me how could someone drive so well in a lesson and then so bad at another and, well, all I could think of was the fact that I was taking more medication than usual due to my hallucinations starting to happen again, so I told him my meds may be making me less focused, possibly? He asked me why I needed to take those so I told him and what did he do? He laughed at my face. Yeah. To recover from that was a nightmare, I don't know how I did not give up on my lessons.

Sorry you had this experience. If it happened to me, I would go to the supervisor of this person, describe the situation and ask for a different teacher or my money back. If they said no, I would threaten them with online reviews and contacting the media. I can't imagine getting into the car with that person ever again. I hope you find a solution that satisfies you/works for you. What an ignorant guy!!!

Sorry if what I say sounds unrealistic -- not sure where you are located. Here it would be impossible really for this to happen. Big hugs -- I hope you feel better and can lower the level of meds soon.

Oliveira wrote:Sorry you had this experience. If it happened to me, I would go to the supervisor of this person, describe the situation and ask for a different teacher or my money back. If they said no, I would threaten them with online reviews and contacting the media. I can't imagine getting into the car with that person ever again. I hope you find a solution that satisfies you/works for you. What an ignorant guy!!!

Sorry if what I say sounds unrealistic -- not sure where you are located. Here it would be impossible really for this to happen. Big hugs -- I hope you feel better and can lower the level of meds soon.

Thanks for this message, Oliveira. I am not much for confrontation, you see? I know, it is a problem, not being able to react well to situations like that. I still did complain to the school and requested a new teacher, which they provided me with right away to avoid bigger problems, I guess. And no, I can't get in a car with that person ever again (and when driver's education classes are with him I just pretend I'm going to the bathroom and then I go back home until it is time for another class that he's not teaching). I'm just glad I still can take my lessons and that I didn't give up on everything. Maybe I should change to another driving school, but I'm not sure if that would work. I need a number of lessons to take my exams and I am so close to the required number of lessons, I just wouldn't want to go through all those lessons again, but maybe I wouldn't have to take all those lessons again? I don't know.

I don't think I would be able to go through with a threat of contacting the media or something like that if I had to. Most people here where I live just does not seem to care or know much about mental problems, at least from what I've seen so far (I have been living here for 2 years). I live in Portugal now, in case you are wondering.

Big hugs to you too.

Hey Tesch!

Just the other day my driving teacher asked me how could someone drive so well in a lesson and then so bad at another and, well, all I could think of was the fact that I was taking more medication than usual due to my hallucinations starting to happen again, so I told him my meds may be making me less focused, possibly? He asked me why I needed to take those so I told him and what did he do? He laughed at my face. Yeah. To recover from that was a nightmare, I don't know how I did not give up on my lessons.

People like that are the people you build fuel from, the people who give you strength and they don't even realize it. You either take there ignorance as they give it to you or you say "and that's exactly why I'm going to get over this condition! I'm not only doing this for myself, I'm going to do it for you as well now!" lol... for him to laugh just means he doesn't understand, not everyone will which that's there problem, not yours. Don't let a simple mind affect you negatively, don't allow a laugh about nothing funny affect you... he clearly seems to have some issues himself lol. Just know that YOU WILL be laughing later. All of this hurt, believe it or not is building internal Strength that you wonwouldn't believe could of ever existed within you once you begin to tap into it and use it positively and for the good. This all takes time and that's something you need to keep in mind. I was living with depression for about 3 years straight, 3 years of what felt like h3ll and now, even with having a little bit of this anxiety condition left (its been mannny years adding these two together), I know for a fact that everything I've been through was actually a blessing! It's so ironic ...

I understand everything that your saying right now... Even with confrontation... OMG I could not deal with confrontation at all didn't like it, and would avoid it by all means. I'm alot better with it now and I actually just had to confront a co-worker last week. It's still not something I "like" to do but who really likes confrontation... its just having the courage and ability to do it, no matter what the outcomes is.. all someone can do is try, try and get the other person to understand where your coming from, vise versa. Don't dwell to much on there reaction, or what they're possibly thinking.. those things you cannot control just like they can't control your reaction or what you think.

As far as medication.. I've never taken any for either condition, for my own reasons, so I'm not to familiar with the affects... however, if you experience things that you do/don't when your on/off the medication than you can kind of examine what affects it has on your body since your the one experiencing it and just be aware of what kind of reactions YOUR body has to them, since everyBody is different. It could of had an affect on your driving. If it did, just be aware of that and keep it in mind. Don't be ashamed of anything though, this is something out of your control; a side affect of a medication.

I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT YOU CAN LIVE THE GOOD LIFE. One of the first things you are gonna have to start doing is believing and putting positive thoughts into your mind about your situation and yourself! Whether you feel there real or not! Still tell yourself and think of yourself as a great person, good heart, who deserves to be happy and will be happy. I can see that already and I don't even know you you have so much strength! ... I can visibly SEE you have so much strength in just one sentence...

To recover from that was a nightmare, I don't know how I did not give up on my lessons

Guess what? ...Depression is a nightmare, but when you don't give up, there's no option but for you to win!! You will never beat someone who doesn't give up until they win.

Hey liveyourdream, thanks for that.

I try not to let those that do not understand affect me so much, but it is not always that simple. I think that I reacted much better to that situation than I would have if that had happened to me half a year ago, which is good, I suppose. And about the meds... I hate them. I just feel dumb most times and unfocused too. I think that lack of concentration (and short-term memory) is probably part of depression, but, still, I don't like feeling that I may be missing something. I know for a fact that when I start taking more medication I get "slower" and I hate that.

And yeah, I have been trying to think more positively and believe in myself. I tried making a list of good things about me or good things that I had done, it was really hard to think of something positive at first, but, yeah, I got a few things in there at the end. From there I've been trying to think about the positive side of things and I realized how immensely negative I was. So, yeah, I've been working on that.

In general, things are bearable now and sometimes even good.

Thanks for the help you have been, seriously, I don't have many people to talk with and even less people that would understand. Thanks for believing in me even though you don't know me