HOCD/Depression/Break up blues

Depression/HOCD/Break up blues

Postby Eric Dave » Sat Aug 16, 2014 2:38 pm
Hi. I have what I hope is HOCD. I have been really worrying 7yrs now and seem convinced Im gay. I had been going out with a girl the last 1.5 yrs but I got dumped in feb this year and am so depressed over that. I really deeply loved her, and not just saying that because I got dumped.

Fromt he start I was really in love with her. She seemed to want to marry me and mentioned it several times. Out of the blue i got dumped and I was devastated. At first I was kind of numb to it and it didnt hit me for a few days. But since then I've been missing her so badly and feel like crying any time I think of her even now 6 months later. Ive also recently learned she has a new boyfriend and its absolutely killing me. LAst year I helped her through a tough time and now feel used and discarded like trash that she is ok again.

I love her so much, and she did love me and then suddenly she didnt. We haven't spoken hardly in 6 months since the break up. I feel totally left outside in the cold, incredibly lonesome for her and just feeling lost and depressed all the time. I am in my 30's now and have never been so hurt over a girl. I am not just saying this but I maybe meet a girl like her once every 10yrs. And they dont always like me back. She really liked me and persued me as much as I persued her. I still dont know what went wrong. I treated her so well and she knew that. I feel really stressed, hurt and depressed and there seems to be no end in sight. And my HOCD (if thats what it is) is really bad too ironically.

I am finding it hard to do anything. Working is horrible. I feel so low and have no motivation. I'm worried about myself. I have read ways to get over a break up but nothing seems to help. I am socialising very frequently but its not helping. I have deleted her from facebook etc but that is not helping either. I feel sick. The future looks so bleak to me. I will end up gay and never feel in love with another girl.