Reinforcing the Positive. Task

Just wanted to apologize for not having been on for a number of days.
I've been at my caravan and i have no internet access there, I've written down positives for the past 10 plus days and i will update the thread when i have some spare time.

Ok here goes...this could take some time to type

Sunday 10th
-got up
-went for coffee with brother and cousin
-visited a relative i hadn't seen in a few weeks
-had dinner with relatives
-drove to the caravan (being at home was making me stressed and i felt i was annoying my family by just being there)
-met up with friends and socialized

Monday 11th
-got up
-went shopping for food
-played tennis with friends
-socialized
-made dinner for myself (my parents usually prepare my dinner at home as i usually have no motivation to cook or manage my diet)
-took some photos

Tuesday 12th
-got up
-went for a drive to clear my head
-made dinner
survived

Wednesday 13th
-got up
-watched walle (my mood was dropping and walle took my mind off all the s#1t)
-played tennis
-socialized and had a movie night with friends

Thursday 14th
-got up
-played tennis doubles with friends and had a good time
-had dinner at friends caravan
-movie night with friends

Friday 15th
-got up early to meet a friend
-marshalled at a local rally event with a friend (tasks that require social interaction that i don't know make me very anxious so being able to do this was a small step forward)
-had a movie night with friends
-no alcohol
-no SI
-tidied kitchen

Saturday 16th
-got up
-went for ice cream and coffee with friends
-socialized
-went to the cinema with friends

Sunday 17th
-got up
-watched movies with friends
-had dinner with friends
-socialized
-went running (didn't have the motivation for about 10 days so getting out again was good)
-no SI

Monday 18th
-got up
-went shopping with friends (crowds make me anxious as fook, so being able to do this was nice)
-got coffee with friends
-socialized
-movie night with friends
-no SI

Tuesday 19th
-got up (with difficulty)
-went to the shop for a few things i needed
-had lunch
-went out for dinner with friends for a birthday (this normally makes me really anxious throughout the whole night but i took Diazepam before i left which helped me cope and i could actually enjoy the night)
-socialized with friends and their parents
-played pool with friends
-watched movies with friends
-no SI

Wednesday 20th
-got up
-went to the shop
-survived (worn out from Tuesday)

Thursday 21st
-got up
-spent time with friends
-played tennis
-went for a walk
-socialized, played chess, watched movies
-no SI

Friday 22nd
-got up
-went shopping with a friend
-tidied kitchen for parents arriving
-spent time with friends
-walk and stargaze with friend
-movie with friend
-no SI

Saturday 23rd
-got up
-socialized
-got organised to go camping
-watched movies with friends
-went camping
-had a good night with friends
-no SI

Sunday 24th
-got up
-helped pack up camping gear
-watched a movie with friend
-no SI

Monday 25th
-got up
-got packed to go home
-went for ice cream and coffee with friend
-went for a walk with friend
-socialized
-watched movie with friend
-drove home from the caravan with mum

Tuesday 26th
- got up
-talked with friends
-started learning how to buy and sell on the stock market using a virtual stock exchange
-survived

Whoa nice job Journeyz, I can see you are getting out and are trying! Btw, I like that you continue to post here, it was almost doomed to die cause it's so hard to focus on the positive!

I could add some:

- continue to go to work and do a good job despite several setbacks.
- not blaming myself too much for the setbacks
- being able to relax more by channeling my thoughts more positiveley
- didn't get stuck in traffic on my way home from work today (I really don't get why it was all clear all of a sudden)
- really pushed through in getting extra work done in a limited amount of time, and pulled it off.
- have been supportive to my s.o. who's having an intense work-period right now.
- getting my health back little by little by eating right etc.
- felt a bit pretty today for a little while

You see so many friends! I don't really have much time, and not many friends that I could go do something with like that.

The thread does seem to have slowed down somewhat but i'd rather post here as a sort of online journal, where we can support each other, than write it in a notebook which i'd just throw in the corner.

well done btw, looks like you've been doing well lately which is great. Glad you're getting your health back and being able to appreciate yourself a little

For today:
-got up
-texted friend on and off for the majority of the day
-researched stock market a bit more
-went to the cinema with mum
-helped dad fix a clutch cable on a vintage car even tho he was being a total tool
-survived

I was up at my caravan for like 2 weeks and a group of friends were there for the majority of the time so i was able to socialize quite a lot as i am comfortable in their company. oh yeah, thanks for your compliments in the PM

today I went to work.

which is positive for the obvious reason of needing money to survive.

Thanks Journeyz, and you're welcome!

Sounds like fun those two weeks at the caravan. I'd like to go do something like that, camping or any type of vacation really but I can't right now so I'll just save the will to do it for later.

rainbow-sprinkles@

The money is a good reason yeah, but I think it's also positive that you are making an effort to work and maintaining a job. You obviously have some skills to do this, discipline and perseverance. Which is positive too

Just an update, i'm going to my caravan again today so i won't be posting until Sunday or Monday. My Counselor also gave me another task to work on over time, so i might make another thread like this one (keeping both active)

Yea the two weeks were good, I'm still totally reliant on my parents for money but i'm doing a lot of research on the stock market and playing real time simulators etc. to practice so that i can at least make i little money for myself until i get a job. But whether i'll invest with real cash or not is still to be decided. Selling my sailing boat as i can't afford the storage and membership fees for next year, so that should give me enough money to make a small investment, if i decide to invest.

@rainbow-sprinkles
Good work on attending your job, and thanks for posting

Hope everyone has a good weekend

Fri 29th
-got up
-walked dogs with friend x2
-watched movies with friend
-looked after my dog,making sure he had enough food,fresh water etc.
-went for coffee and ice cream with friend
-got chinese for dinner with friend
-stargazed for 20mins until it clouded over
-no SI

Sat 30th
-got up
-walked dogs with friend x2
- movies with friend
-had dinner with friend
-more movies
-stargazed with friend for 40mins and observed 8 meteors aspart of the Delta Aquarid meteor shower, and located another conselation
-no SI

Sun 31st
-got up
-went for ice cream
-went for a drive as it was raining
-watched planes taking off and landing
-had a good conversation
-got packed up and drove home
-less over thinking than usual

Mon 1st
-got up early
-went to college
-caught up with friends
-played online game with friend and was doing well as my mood was good
-talked to friend from the caravan
-made weekend plans
-no SI

Hey Journeyz, are all the days you do not say "no SI" days where you do SI? What's different those days you feel the need to?

Positive things:
Got invited to dinner by a new-ish friend
Going to visit best friend in two days
Doing good at work, getting compliments
Felt like I was actually doing good at work, felt like I could oversee everything and was in control
Lost some weight
Had a good talk with my SO while we were both very drunk, but the talk was very revelational and deep, we could both talk very freely about everything
Not getting behind on my household tasks

You know, listing all these positive things makes me feel like I also want to list all the bad things and talk about that, is that weird? I don't have a therapist anymore so can't really talk alot about all of the negative stuff.

Hey.
Honestly i'm not 100% sure what's different on the days that i do SI, i just feel so numb all of the time. My positive emotions just seem to be so suppressed. Negative feelings, fatigue, anxiety,and stress all build up and sometimes i just need to remind myself i'm still alive and can still feel something. It has become part of my routine, so every 2-4 days which isn't good but it's a coping mechanism i can't break yet.

Yesterday:
Got up early
Made it into college
Socialized
Made several appointments
Ordered repeat prescription
Stock market research
Walked dog

Today:
(feeling very run down, no energy at all)
Got up
Walked dog
Texted friends
Made appointment
No SI

Yea there are loads of negative things popping up as i think of the positive and i've had to remind myself that it's a positive list lol. Also having a big problem with my parents at the minute as their support has fallen away somewhat and they emphasize things i haven't been able to do,or they criticize things i have done 'wrong' in their minds. Makes this even more difficult :/