What happens when you're not depressed?

Because MDD is unipolar depression, and your mood doesn't usually skyrocket to euphoric mania after an episode of depression, what occurs in between episodes?

I have long, psychotic (comes after a few months after onset depression), homicidal, suicidal, horrifying, intrusive episodes. Even though my diagnosis states I'm clinically depressed and psychotic, it seems like I have been through one hypomania episode, or at least an episode where I was happy and actually alive for a while. I can function relatively well in between episodes.

Hey thewretched111,
I have read several of your posts, even the locked one, so I'm responding to them all at once here.
I just want to say I can relate to a lot of what you're saying, even though my dx is Bipolar... they keep telling me borderline or mixed, apparently I have symptoms of both Bipolar I & II (I've been in a really jacked-up Mixed episode with rapid cycling for well over 8 months now). Having said that, I was misdiagnosed 12 years earlier, and had been seeking help since age 18 ~ that's a total of 22 years and a wrecked life before FINALLY getting a correct diagnosis... and I still think there could be more to my diagnosis.

It really stands out to me that in another post you said "That's a short list, if my thoughts weren't scattered and racing I could list more." Is scattered, racing thoughts a symptom of depression/MDD??? I usually get extremely scattered racing thoughts only when I'm in a purely hypo- or manic state, but with this mixed episode, I'm still getting the racing, urgent thoughts but they are dark/hopeless/negative (instead of happy/powerful/positive).

What you are experiencing sounds truly horrible, I am so sorry! I can understand why even mania would sound like a relief from the dark place you are in, but I believe that is desperate thinking, because your symptoms have gone on for too long. I think you said you have an appointment Saturday... how are you doing now? Will you be okay until then? Definitely use a hotline if necessary, or get to a hospital if help is needed urgently.

Perhaps you could print out all 4 of the posts you have written on this forum and take them to your doctor (or maybe copy and paste them into an email?)... they may be quite revealing to a professional. Hang in there, and let us know how you're doing.