My mother called me a monster.

Yokker wrote:Very relateable Journeyz. I would often feel very low after therapy because of the focus on the negative. And the same with running, I can't always muster up the motivation to go running because I feel I have to do good when almost always I feel mentally and physically drained after a short while after which I have to push myself very hard to finish. And I still end up walking to catch my breath. It's because I don't train well enough. But it's just a defeating proces over and over again. I try to now only think this: Going for a run is always better than to not go, no matter how bad or well you do. I always feel better having tried than having done nothing.

btw I don't really cycle like a sport, but where I live we just go places with our bike, like work etc. So for work I cycle quite a bit, so i count that as excercise.

You know, you're doing just fine re-ordering your meds. I have on so many occasions forgotten to re-order them that I would have to miss days of it, which was ofcourse a complete disaster mood-wise. So missing out on spending the day there is, as far as I'm concerned, not a biggie:).

Too bad your environment (or mum) is so critical of you. But I guess it fits with you being so critical of yourself, especially if it's your mother. They're our strongest role model...

I'm gonna stay inside, sit myself down on the couch with my bf, pour some drinks and watch a movie. Hope you have a nice weekend too!

Journeyz wrote:I generally make some sort of noise if I'm approaching a dog,like clearing my throat loudly or something just so i don't fly past them and panic them. Of course this only works if the dog has good hearing lol. I used to love cycling also but this past 3 years I've just had no motivation for it.

v Update v #readifnottired

I was fighting a losing battle yesterday. After counselling my mood dropped considerably and i ended up having no motivation to do my 4pm run. I was then frustrated at myself for not going running so my mood dropped further. By about 9pm i finally had a window of opportunity where i wanted to go, so i grasped it and got prepared etc. I did stretches and the usual 6min warm up walk and was doing ok for the first 7 mins of the run. After that i started to feel off form both physically and mentally. I felt sick from drinking too much water followed by a ten minute stitch which kept getting worse.
So by this stage i was royally pissed off as i had to keep slowing to a walk, this then made me angry at myself because i didn't feel like i was doing well enough. I then took a wrong turn and ended up adding another 1km to my run. so by the time i finished i was completely wrecked and my weak knee is pretty sore again today. Either way i played that situation would have ended in me putting myself down. My all or nothing attitude really sucks.

I've also had a less than fun day today, survived by anti deps, diazepam and a tad of Magners . I ordered a repeat prescription for my anti deps yesterday so it would be ready for today at about 3. My parents had made plans to go out to dinner with family (I was told to come with them). The table was booked for 7pm and the journey was about 90 mins. So i'm thinking if i pick up my meds at 3pm that's fine, loads of time...but no one told me we were leaving at 1pm to spend the day there. I can't go off my meds for 2+ days (as the health center isn't open at weekends) so i said i'd follow them up a few hours later,of course mum had to make it difficult and starts criticizing me for not re-ordering them earlier. Wrecked my mood for the whole day. My counselor wants me to think more positively about things and acknowledge and reinforce positive things I've been able to do, no matter how small, but when all the people around me emphasis the negative and criticize me, i'm beginning to think changing my thinking style will be an even longer process than it would be already.

Sorry I've barely talked to anyone all day cus of my mood so i'm venting here lol.
Hope you guys have some nice plans for the weekend