My mother called me a monster.

Well, your mother is also someone with a troubled mind, she may let her emotions get the best of her thus calling you names etc. It's not right and frankly I think she should hold herself to a higher standard. Mental illness is an explanation for behaviour, not an excuse. She should work on that.

It's a nice idea to suggest to do something fun together! The more positive interaction you two have the better. But be aware of trying to take care of your mother, or feeling responsible for your mothers wellbeing. You are not responsible for taking care of your mother, she is an adult and your parent, she needs to take care of herself. If she needs help with that, she should look for it. If she isn't doing that your father should support her in finding that help. It's called parentification.

You may just want to forigive ou mother for being unable to be better for now:) See it as something that she would love to do, but doesn't understand how. Because I'm sure she loves you.

I hope your therapy will help you to feel better soon and I hope your mother will get some help for herself too. In any case, you might wanna try talking to her, at a calm moment, about how you feel.

Good luck:)

When my dad and I were talking last night, I told him about my mother calling me a monster and he told me not to take it too seriously because when she was around my age, her own mother would be mean to her at times. She's not too mean to me for the most part, but sometimes she'll guilt me about things and push me to do things I don't want to do. I can understand where they're coming from to be honest. My mom tends to copy her mother's behavior at times, from what I've seen in my life and from what my dad told me. But even despite my sympathy and everything, I'll try to keep a close eye on her behavior to see what happens next.

Yep! It sounds like a good idea to me. But yes, like I said, I'll keep an eye out for any negative behavior. I know that she loves me; it just feels hard to hear that because of the things that she's done in the past.

Once again, thank you so much! Therapy is pretty interesting because it's off in the country part of my state and it involves horses and other farm animals there. It's fun to take care of them. And I'll try to do that sometime!

Oh my gosh, i'd love to have therapy with horses in the country. Hmm guess I should ust be happy I don't need therapy right now haha. Sounds like you're doing good, good for you for talking with your dad.
Good luck, message me if you need to

Yeah, it's pretty cool. It's pretty fun being around horses and learning how to handle them. That's good to hear! And thank you for talking with me, it helped me. It was nice talking with you, as well. c:

I agree with Yokker. I would add tho, it sounds like your mum was already stressed about something else and decided to take her frustration out on you, a lot of people in general don't think anything through when they are angry/annoyed. They just blurt out whatever c#@p they want without thinking of the consequences, or hurt it can cause.
If my mum comes home from work after a long day she will start asking judging and downgrading questions which do nothing but make me feel even worse. I must add tho, without her i'd be lost. She is the only person who still tries to help me. My dad on the other hand has no concept of what a mental health problem is so he has no filter when hes talking to me. He always judges, discards achievements, and never supports me. He's said a couple of times in 20 years that he loves me but i'm really not convinced.
One day i was trying to get up early, i was outright exhausted and literally could not get up. After mum trying several times to wake me and failing. My dad storms in 100% raging, pulls the quilt off my bed while shouting (well screaming) 'Get up you lazy f#c7ing s#1te. You are f#c7ing useless. Get out of your f#c7ing bed' <---(moderated version). My mum had to come into my room and drag him out to calm him. I think after he saw my SI scars for the first time he realized i'm not just 'lazy', and he'd just been an a$$, to put it nicely.
It took me a long time, about a year i suppose, to open up to him again. Although i didn't really trust him the same. My symptoms had flared up again after a relapse (still ongoing) and i was on edge quite a lot. On a bad day i ended up getting out of bed at about 1:00pm. As soon as he saw me at breakfast he said i should 'try to get up early' in a really judging hurtful tone. I replied with 'I've been trying my best this past 4 years' to which he said 'not from what i've seen'. This royally pissed me off, as you may understand. It sparked a massive argument which ended in him telling me to get out of his house. Luckily my mum was there and intervened. What would he expect me to do with no job, no money and no friends...i had already been thinking of suicide as it had been a horrible fortnight, to undersell it. I haven't opened up to him since then, (about 4 months) and i don't expect to any time soon as he'll just hurt me again. No point juggling with knives. Eventually i'll mess up and get hurt. Again.

ahhh rant over, pressure released for the time being. I would apolagise for the 1 billion + words but if you've made it this far i assume you wanted to read it
Hope the therapy continues to work for you and i hope things between you and your mum are getting better

I do suspect that she may be stressed about a variety of things as well. I saw a few days ago on Facebook, she seemed a little upset. Some of her friends on Facebook asked her what was wrong and she said that she was upset because of the things that are happening lately. Like I said somewhere in this topic, my dad said not to take it seriously because her own mother would act in similar ways when she was growing up and it may have been passed on to her. I agree with you about that too, Journeyz.

I think that I may be in a situation similar to yours. That's pretty much what they do to me at times when they come back home. It can get annoying and it pretty much intimidates me whenever it happens. I remember my dad acting a little like my mom at times though like I said, it doesn't happen all the time. However, I started a thread sometime ago about his behavior starting to worry me. He gets violent sometimes and I've been him taking his anger by kicking things around along with punching and breaking things. One time when he got mad at me for not doing something that I wasn't willing to do (I was also in a foul mood), he told me that he "had a temper that's worse than mine and you don't want to see it". Saying that alone, that was enough to snap me out of that state and I got worried/paranoid that he was going to take his anger out on me by hurting me. Luckily he didn't, and he hasn't gotten that angry for a long time.

I'm so sorry to hear about that happening. You don't deserve to deal with that. I'm glad that you were able to rant and blow off some steam so you were able to feel better. And thank you so much, it really means a lot.

Sorry for the late reply. I've been away for a couple of days.
I'm the same in terms of being intimidated by my parents but i think for me it's because i'm just waiting to be accused of doing/not doing something, which can trigger me easily. Depending on the day. I tend to avoid conversations with them to bypass this. I've actually become less specific with details about events over the past few years so it's easier to lie to them and tell them what they wan't to hear. Like today i thought i was seeing my counselor but when i got the the reception i was told the appointment was on the 31st. I had gotten up early to come home from the caravan (1.5 hour drive) and mum came home with me. So instead of going home and telling her the truth, which i pictured would piss her off. I went for coffee and ice cream at McDonald's and went for a drive to pass the time, she thinks i had the appointment.

I've got to the point that i can defend myself fairly well and control my anger. During the 'get out of my house' argument i mentioned in my last post, he threw something at me when i was swearing at him, i was so close to throwing my pint of OJ at him but i managed to control myself as i hate hurting others, even if they hurt me. That said if he physically attacked me i'd more than likely fight back.
Sorry to hear that your dad also intimidates you. He shouldn't have implied that he might hurt you or others which worried you, but i'm glad your safe and that hes settled down lately.

Btw thanks for the reply, feeling a little less alone today.
Hope you've been doing alright this past few days

It's alright. It's been the same with me to be honest. I've been pretty busy the past few days and I decided to go through the topics that I posted/participated in.

I'm the same when it comes to that. Even if I have done something. It makes me really nervous and I'm afraid people are going to look at me a different way or think that I'm weird of something. But lately I've been feeling like I could care less about what they say because I think that I've changed in a few ways in regards to my personality. I don't usually resort to violence, but I have violent thoughts and such. Luckily I'm able to control myself even when I want to rip something apart. If my safety was threatened, I'd try to make an effort to protect myself.

Yeah, it really sucks. I'm glad that he's feeling more calmer now.

And it's no problem. I feel the same way when people reply to my things. c:

I've been doing well. I hope you're doing good, too!

Oh Journeyz, that sounds like a difficult environment to be in. I recognize it a little. My parents were never violent but they jus wouldn't let me be. Always nagging, asking, complaining, making me feel bad, ignoring the way I'd feel.

I understand why you'd lie to them, it keeps the place calm, get's you some needed quiet calm space. For me it got better when I was able to move out but I know not everyone can do that.

I hope you feel better soon and hope your parents settle down as well.

*TW*
Thanks both for your replies
Aeli

I don't usually resort to violence, but I have violent thoughts and such. Luckily I'm able to control myself even when I want to rip something apart.

I can control my anger towards others but it still builds up and my only release currently is to SI, or to punch something or break something. None of which are great coping mechanisms lol.

Yokker

I understand why you'd lie to them, it keeps the place calm, get's you some needed quiet calm space. For me it got better when I was able to move out but I know not everyone can do that.

I would like to move out but i'm totally dependant on my parents. I have no income of my own and my social anxiety, lack of confidence, and low self esteem etc. mean i can't even think about getting a job. I worked for six months a couple of years back but i had to quit because it was making my condition worse. I've been looking into government allowances but i can't really find anything that covers mental health problems.
So currently i feel stuck and that any move i make will make everything worse. Even if i do manage to move out i'd just waste away on my own until i can't take it any more. I don't know what to do.

This past couple of weeks have been going good. Hopefully it can last a bit longer before another crash.
I won't be on until next Wednesday or so. I have to visit cousins for a few days, a whole relative get together...let the anxiety begin.
Hope you both have a good weekend