stuck...

i have been making some progress emotionally. i usually wake up not feeling too good, or just really dulled out and numb. then i slowly feel a bit better and sometimes approach a normal baseline of mental health. i cannot seem to break completely free and gain true recovery yet and the process is on my mind all day. its almost taken on an OCD type nature where if ruminate in my head over and over thoughts of self help and affirmations until i can find some relief and feel better. i am not working, have enough money to last a bit longer and stuck in some habits that seem to be protecting me from risking trusting myself and engaging in life. i have been basically waking up every day then as I drink a pot of coffee to come to I begin surfing the web, for hours. I usually start with local news quickly then this site then i end up with porn. i will peruse porn until i find something i can get off to which usually takes at least an hour. being that i wake up around noon this can leave me at around 2 or 3pm before i even shower or address anything. typically i go work out at the gym for an hour or so, eat then jump into the nightly tv shows then internet, mostly porn, some more then watch any tv until almost 3am before i try to sleep for the night. days and days go by like this and i think i have found a comfort zone in this. looking for jobs becomes so frustrating and painful i just put it off forever and never really get anywhere. now i catch myself thinking things like well i can just live off the rest of my money until my lease runs out then go live with my parents in NY and figure stuff out next summer. i guess i just dont want to engage in life, too scary for me i guess, or maybe i just see no payoff or reason to enagage. with the porn i obviously have incredible desires to meet women and sometimes say i will join a dating website or maybe go to bars but not drink and try and meet somebody but i never do. i sabotage the process saying things like what girl would want a guy with no job etc etc. i mean i am a really decent looking guy, athletic, educated and always was pretty well liked or at least never really put down or made fun off but i just cant break free into a more productive life at this point. maybe i am not ready i dont know but the lingering is starting to get to me. i assume the pain will eventually drive me to act if i let it get to that point. i need to break this pattern and create a healthier living situation i presume. i think the hours spent on the internet, mostly with porn are holding me back. i should address that........hmmm.....looking to break free and find true recovery as i can sniff it a bit but not realizing it fully and i am harboring some stagnant habits keeping me stuck......any thoughts, comments, laughter, advice or criticism is welcomed.....? thanks

Hey Jonathan,
I'm glad that you feel like you've made progress! I definetely know how you feel though, about still feeling "stuck", despite how far you know you've come. I, too, tend to obsess over my progress and overanalyze it... I guess it's good in a way, though, if it helps you get through the day.
It sounds like you want to change your living situation, and that's fantastic- that's the first step to improving it (sorry, I know I'm stating the obvious...) I know it's hard to face all of the tough things in life, like getting a job and meeting new people, but you have to push yourself, or else you'll never be satisfied. Once you push yourself to do these things and start to have some success, you'll see that you CAN achieve these goals, and I think you'll feel happier in general. I hope that you are able to do this, because from your description of yourself as a "decent looking guy, athletic, educated and always was pretty well liked" it sounds like you have a hell of a lot going for you!!! So get out there and live your life, no matter what it takes- you deserve it!!!!!!
Take care, and don't give up! You've come this far, and that's something to be proud of.
<3
drama_queen