Fighting Depression... frivolously

Hi,

I've had depression for a handful of years and I'm currently taking 175mg of zoloft. I see a Psychiatrist and a Clinical Social worker who help at times but as of today my depression has only gotten worse from when it started.

I'm disabled, I've had epilepsy since I was 12 (now 26) and I've had brain surgery once to remove the focal point which was unsuccessful. I'm about to have a second surgery because my condition is resistant to medication and I have almost no other options. Beyond that I have not been diagnosed with it but from past experiences I'm almost positive I have high-functioning Aspergers syndrome from social experiences and limits along with how I process at a cognitive level.

I do my best to combat my depression with willpower and remember to follow my cognitive distortions and think about my feelings from an outside viewpoint but it rarely helps. I have trouble doing anything physically because I'm on a large amount of medication with sedating effects, particularly the 8mgs/day of klonopin I take. I also have a very hard time getting any quality sleep because much of my seizure activity happens nocturnally.

Many solutions I've read have been to go take a drive from time to time, do something you've always wanted to do or see friends more often but I have no way to get around and I live on a fixed income which limits my options. Also, most of my friends have moved to other states by now and I can only contact them on the internet or phone which is hardly satisfying.

The other solutions I've found are to start small, lean on friends and family and try social activities like a support group. I've also tried this but even small activities don't feel rewarding but instead just continue to feel like stressful work and make me want to throw in the towel. My family doesn't understand most of what is happening and I end up having to be the teacher and being socially awkward I'm terrible at making new friends. This leads into a "support group" setting. I've tried a few but I just end up sitting there, silently until the end feeling like I'm wasting time hearing info I could've gathered quicker off the internet.

Finally my natural coping mechanism is go turtle inside and try to block everything out. It's something I haven't been able to change no matter how hard I try and once I get into that mindset I'm basically stuck for the day. I can look at everything from the outside and it all makes sense but it doesn't change how I feel and physically I can't do anything but sit and not care. I've never been suicidal or harmed myself but I feel stuck in this place with no ability to move. If someone can help me progress I don't know how I could thank them enough.

Nall

It really sounds like you are going through a lot right now. I think its perfectly natural especially when you feel depressed to go turtle. Because we do want to withdraw from the world when we are feeling bad.

It must be difficult with the medication and I guess the epilepsy doesn't help either. Have you spoken to your doctor about the medication? Perhaps the anti-depressants need to be reviewed?

Have you thought about joining a class or just doing something completely different like learn to paint or pottery or some other kind of craft - something that's fun but really doesn't matter how good you might be. That you can just enjoy. I know that's difficult when you're feeling tired and depressed though. I like photography and that's something you can do even indoors or in the back garden. Something that isn't really stressful.

What are the other people like in the support group? Sometimes it's not so much the information they share but just being around people who understand some of what you're going through. Is there a chance to just sit and chat over coffee or something, even if it's just the person you were sitting next to?

Hopefully your second surgery will be a success and perhaps then you won't feel quite so stuck.

I wish I had the answers. And I really hope the surgery goes well. I would talk to your doctor about how your feeling too. Just in case there is something else they can do to help you.

dialectic behavioral therapy is what helped with me and my depression. if you have any questions let me know.

as for the epilepsy, marijuana and in particular cannabis oil seems to help (not promoting illegal drug use, just medicinal use is you live in a state where its legal for medical reasons)

http://www.epilepsy.com/article/2014/2/ ... d-research

Supporting appropriate changes to state laws to increase access to medical marijuana as a treatment option for epilepsy, including pediatric use as supported by a treating physician.
Supporting the inclusion of epilepsy as a condition that uses medical marijuana as a treatment option where it is currently available.

this site lists scientfic studies done on marijuana and epilepsy and the science of how it helps
http://medicalmarijuana.com/experts/exp ... m?artID=75