I can't feel anything.

I'm 19. Female. Diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety over 3 years ago.

I used to feel overwhelmed with my emotions. When I was first diagnosed with depression, I would lay on the floor in my room, curled in a ball, and sob. Then I would feel a little better and move on. But over the past few months, it has gotten harder to cry or even feel angry or sad, no matter what I do. It's like some subconscious part of me is telling me that I'm not allowed to feel. Maybe because it thinks it's easier that way? Well, it certainly doesn't feel much better. I feel like I can't even connect with or understand myself. I feel like I'm alive, but not really living. Drifting through life, numb.

And it's not like I just want myself to be sad or mad or disappointed. Something happens and I can tell I feel an emotion, somewhere, deep deep down, but it stays buried in there. And when I try to expose it I just feel sick. And nothing works to bring it to the surface. Maybe this is why I self-harm. Because I can't feel.

Is it me? Could it be lexapro or abilify? What do I do? I just want my emotions to come back! I want to be like a normal, feeling human being.

I can't really comment on the meds you're taking because I don't have any experience of them. But some meds can make you feel a bit flat and emotionless. It's probably a good idea to have a chat to your doctor about this. It might be you need to review the meds you're taking perhaps, but that really is something you need to take proper medical advice on.

During a depression you can experience different moods so to speak. You can be very sad, cry alot, feel very angry. But you can also feel numb. This can be a symptom of your depression but can probably also be a side-effect of your medication. Do you have any information about the side-effects your medication has? Maybe it's listed as a common side-effect.

You could contact your docter or whomever you see about this.

Sometimes this numbness is called "dissociating" you get detached emotionally from yourself and your environment. Cutting or selfharming can be a way to reassure yourself that you can still feel. To feel that you still exist.

I sometimes get this fear of wasting away when I feel numb, like my body might just waste away, and my mind will become more numbed and quiet. Usually this passes after a little while.

Maybe a good thought to remember when you're having a hard time: "This feeling will pass" it might not be the best, because you know you won't feel much better, but it will pass.

this is fairly common in people who deal with depression. and looking back on mine, this emptiness you describe was probably one of my main symptoms, to point it became quite familiar. talking about it with my therapist, it was probably a way of coping with difficult emotions. in that when things got hard to handle, my body shut down emotionally. it makes sense to me because when i wasn't feeling empty i would be usually feeling a lot of pain. so it was relieving in a sense.

if your scenario is anything like mine, you'll probably need a therapist to help and guide you through the repressed emotions in a safe setting and teach you healthy coping mechanisms.

The numb feeling may also be a question of dosage. I used to take an antidepressant, moclobemide. Below 300 mg it did nothing, I could as well take... pizzas I guess since it made me gain weight. At 300 mg I hit the "zombie peak" -- the numb feeling, no joy, no sadness, just nothing. Only at 375 mg and above did it actually return me to normal range of feelings.

Did you discuss the problem with your doctor? What did they say?

findingjob1795, the medications you're taking can certainly impact on how you're feeling. I too have depression and have experienced apathy whilst taking antidepressants. I now take a painkiller which initially seemed to be the best mood-lifter I'd ever taken but now that I've been on it for so long I just feel numb. I used to feel such crippling depression - I'd leave jobs, eat too much or too little, have sleep disturbances, worry obsessively, contemplate suicide, self-harm, have anger outbursts and so on - I was suffering and wanted so desparately to find peace. Then I took this painkiller and it made me feel euphoric. But before long all it served to do was make me feel just OK. Without it I'd go back to feeling severely depressed again but whilst on it I just feel permanently numb - it's an impossible situation. Sometimes I crave to feel human again, to experience a wide array of emotions but without the chronic depression but I can't see that ever happening but that's probably because I feel helpless and hopeless - which is of course part of depression. If you feel that the medications you're on are doing more harm than good then I'd advise you to go back and see your doctor and see if you can try something else. Are you having therapy or waiting for it? Sometimes talking to someone who isn't emotionally-involved is easier than speaking to a friend or a family member for instance.

Another thing I should mention is that when someone experiences such crippling depression for weeks and months on end, perhaps even years, there comes a point when the mind just can't take the constant battering of these horrible emotions and just switches off to try and protect itself - which is where the numbness in some people can occur. Think about a soldier who's seen some horrific things whilst fighting for his country - he's experienced mental and possibly physical trauma and the memories of those things can stay with him even when he's come back home. The human brain can't deal with those thoughts day after day - it would drive most people mad, so it has to shut down. Has something bad happened to you in the past?