I can't feel anything.

I'm 19. Female. Diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety over 3 years ago.

I used to feel overwhelmed with my emotions. When I was first diagnosed with depression, I would lay on the floor in my room, curled in a ball, and sob. Then I would feel a little better and move on. But over the past few months, it has gotten harder to cry or even feel angry or sad, no matter what I do. It's like some subconscious part of me is telling me that I'm not allowed to feel. Maybe because it thinks it's easier that way? Well, it certainly doesn't feel much better. I feel like I can't even connect with or understand myself. I feel like I'm alive, but not really living. Drifting through life, numb.

And it's not like I just want myself to be sad or mad or disappointed. Something happens and I can tell I feel an emotion, somewhere, deep deep down, but it stays buried in there. And when I try to expose it I just feel sick. And nothing works to bring it to the surface. Maybe this is why I self-harm. Because I can't feel.

Is it me? Could it be lexapro or abilify? What do I do? I just want my emotions to come back! I want to be like a normal, feeling human being.

This seems to be a duplicate post so I am going to lock this one. The original post is here depression/topic142537.html