I've been trying to kill myself just about every night. If I'm awake, I'm probably researching on how to do it. I abort the attempts when I get too frustrated, tired, or someone wakes up.
I'm a lost cause. I've given up everything. I can't ever forgive myself. I'm in a perpetual state of sadness which I can't get out of. I've just been too sad for too long. There's so much on my mind, to a point where I can't handle anything. They're thoughts screaming in my head telling me "what if you've done ___" instead, etc. It's killing me, but I'm already dead inside.
Yet I can't manage to successfully do it. I still wake up every morning extremely upset that I'm still here. I don't know what to do. My head is a truly horrible place to be.