I have a question...

Hey guys. Hope everyone is dong well today. I have a question I'd like to ask but I'll give you a little background first.

I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 when I was 19 and was on lithium and seroquel. After moving from Australia back to my native UK, I'd lost all of my psychiatric ties and wasn't entirely willing to go through the process of finding another shrink again. As well as that, I haven't really had any severe episodes in the past 4 years (I'm 23 now) which I think is due to the amount of weed I've been smoking (it's pretty much ended manic episodes and USUALLY helps out with the depressive side as well).Recently however my depression been getting worse and haven't noticed any difference since taking antidepressants. I'm not suicidal, but I've definitely reached the stage where the thought of not waking up tomorrow is incredibly appealing.

So. There's some background. Now for my question. The other day I was sat on the bus on the way home from university. It was around 10 at night and I was on the (empty) top deck of the bus. I was very depressed and was also needing the toilet. Not desperately, but enough to notice. So I pissed on the bus. In my pants. I wasn't desperate and to be honest I didn't think that much before I did it. I just did it.

No... I KNOW that it's disgusting and not a socially acceptable thing to do at all. But it hasn't really registered as being weird to me yet. So my question is... HOW weird is it that I pissed on the bus, and HOW concerned should I be that it didn't seem weird to me. The whole thing has left me feeling uncomfortable. Am I losing grasp of m sanity a little bit? Or is this one of those things....that people do....??

Any help you can give me would be appreciated. It's an odd question to ask, but I figured if anyone could give me advice without being judgmental then it's you guys.

xxx

hi LaylaAmsterdam,
maybe I am a bit weird, I think that you took a simple solution before something turned into a complicated problem, you were alone, and it was nighttime, and then depressed...
why to make life more complicated...
I would say look for help, not because of the peeing, but because of not wanting to get up the next day....keep in touch!!