Symptoms?

Emotionally numb, completely. Happiness, guilt, remorse, love, etc. Nothing.

High levels of anxiety that "spike". I may be programming something (usually as a hobby, very few things interest me), and all of a sudden, I feel like (quite literally) taking a crowbar to anything near me. It comes from nowhere. Split second high levels of anxiety. Normally, I have some level of anxiety that makes me feel like I want to squeeze my hand and punch something, I'll tense the muscles in my hand and let them go to relieve it.

Extremely irritable.

Extremely difficult to concentrate.

Occasional "spikes", once or twice a week, of feeling. (sadness, guilt, loneliness, etc)

Verbal abuse to others (example; my parents took me on vacation for two weeks and I treated them like crap, although, I suppose they deserved it, they made me go to the beach everytime they went, everything was so damned boring)

Insomnia.

Loner like traits.

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When I was a kid I also had night terrors, and I would find myself crying for no reason. Come home, I remember it happening twice. I just went over to the corner of the wall and cried, and my parents couldn't get me to stop. And it stopped suddenly.

The other time, I suddenly felt... rediculously sad, I ran into my dad's closet, shut the door, tried to climb into a shoe (go figure), and I experienced 2D like perception. I vaguely remember a ramp, and when the ball got to the top, I'd cry ( a lot more than I already was), and feel even worse. And it was like I could see it.

I suppose thats all I have.

edit: the ramp/ball was a hallucination. But I'm not sure how/why. It was pretty damned weird, and I wasn't old at all.

Extremely irritable.

Extremely difficult to concentrate.

Occasional "spikes", once or twice a week, of feeling. (sadness, guilt, loneliness, etc)

Verbal abuse to others (example; my parents took me on vacation for two weeks and I treated them like crap, although, I suppose they deserved it, they made me go to the beach everytime they went, everything was so damned boring)

Insomnia.

Loner like traits.

---

When I was a kid I also had night terrors, and I would find myself crying for no reason. Come home, I remember it happening twice. I just went over to the corner of the wall and cried, and my parents couldn't get me to stop. And it stopped suddenly.

The other time, I suddenly felt... rediculously sad, I ran into my dad's closet, shut the door, tried to climb into a shoe (go figure), and I experienced 2D like perception. I vaguely remember a ramp, and when the ball got to the top, I'd cry ( a lot more than I already was), and feel even worse. And it was like I could see it.

Kane, it sounds like you have anger and anxiety issues. I am no professional, but maybe you have pent up anger from the past that you haven't sorted through and dealt with yet. When people have repressed feelings from traumatic situations they exihibit some of the symptoms that you mention. Have you undergone any therapy? Do you know any specific situations that cause you to become very irritable or to 'cry for no reason" ? I get that way too, sometimes I can be doing good for a period of time and moving forward, and then I get overwhelmed with feelings of guilt and loneliness and I get those "crying episodes" that seem uncontrollable.

Anyone else have anything to say to Kane?

bigdeal_1 wrote:

Extremely irritable.

Extremely difficult to concentrate.

Occasional "spikes", once or twice a week, of feeling. (sadness, guilt, loneliness, etc)

Verbal abuse to others (example; my parents took me on vacation for two weeks and I treated them like crap, although, I suppose they deserved it, they made me go to the beach everytime they went, everything was so damned boring)

Insomnia.

Loner like traits.

---

When I was a kid I also had night terrors, and I would find myself crying for no reason. Come home, I remember it happening twice. I just went over to the corner of the wall and cried, and my parents couldn't get me to stop. And it stopped suddenly.

The other time, I suddenly felt... rediculously sad, I ran into my dad's closet, shut the door, tried to climb into a shoe (go figure), and I experienced 2D like perception. I vaguely remember a ramp, and when the ball got to the top, I'd cry ( a lot more than I already was), and feel even worse. And it was like I could see it.

Kane, it sounds like you have anger and anxiety issues. I am no professional, but maybe you have pent up anger from the past that you haven't sorted through and dealt with yet. When people have repressed feelings from traumatic situations they exihibit some of the symptoms that you mention. Have you undergone any therapy? Do you know any specific situations that cause you to become very irritable or to 'cry for no reason" ? I get that way too, sometimes I can be doing good for a period of time and moving forward, and then I get overwhelmed with feelings of guilt and loneliness and I get those "crying episodes" that seem uncontrollable.

Anyone else have anything to say to Kane?

You are correct, but I also think its on top of depression.

Im genuinely incapable of feeling happy (ever).

My friend (i have one irl, two online), thinks I am the most unemotional person in the world.

I would call myself consistently miserable, and whenever I think about future, I associate "happiness" with things a narcissist would like; fame, power, money, etc.

I've pretty much decided to go into politics.