My depression is making me numb

Hi all,

I haven't posted in a while, but I would really appreciate some advice on something.
I am currently taking 40mg prozac a day, and I don't know if it's a side effect of the drug, but I just cannot cry. Daily I experience feelings of anger and jealousy mainly, and I just feel it all bubbling up inside me and I'm not able to release it.
In order to deal with my feelings, I have to drink a considerable amount of alcohol to be free and relaxed.
My drinking is getting a problem now, I know it is, but I just can't stop.
My feelings are all over the place at the moment, and I feel somewhat confused as to whether I'm getting better or not. I don't behave as irrationally and stupidly (in my opinion) as I used to, but at the same time I think internally I feel a lot worse.

Does anyone have any suggestions?
Thanks x

Hello. When I was depressed I often felt numb and empty too, I wouldn't worry about that in itself, everyone reacts in different ways to depression. I'm sure there are helplines you can phone about the drinking problem, if you feel you cannot see a counselor or therapist, it is something you should seriously consider though. I also did that at one point to try to numb my feelings though and I'm glad I stopped, because I think ultimately its best to not constantly be under the influence of something even if you feel depressed. I also went through a long period of not knowing if I'm getting better or not, I think it's natural. There are also many common herbs or spices which people say can help you feel more relaxed, they will probably never be as strong as alcohol etc but it could help replace it. Chamomile tea and things like that are supposed to relax a person, though it is very light. Hope you get much better.

Hi floralgiraffes,

sorry about a late response, haven't seen your post until now.

Alcohol is a depressant. You feel better while intoxicated. What you do not realise is that the day after a large part of your depression comes from previous day's intoxication. This comes from a former heavy drinker who drank, guess what, to stop being depressed, become free and relaxed. This worked, until the day after came and... well... another bottle was needed.

You might want to discuss your feelings with the doctor. What you describe as possible effect of Prozac might be what is called dysthymic mania. (Might -- I'm not a pro.) It might also be the result of mixing Prozac with large amounts of alcohol. I would suggest speaking with your psychiatrist (if you have one) and admitting that you drink a lot -- then seeing what their explanation is. It might be as simple as you needing a different antidepressant.

Big hugs.

Thanks for the replies!

Drinking is still bad unfortunately but I haven't got any for tonight, so it's going to be difficult.
I've spoke to doctors about my drinking, and they said it's up to me whether I want to do anything about it but I don't want to be considered an 'alcoholic' and have to go to meetings and stuff.

I think I'm going to discuss with my doctor about my medication, I don't see my psychiatrist anymore because I'm doing okayish.

I just wish I wasn't so empty inside, I just want to be well again x

floralgiraffes wrote:I've spoke to doctors about my drinking, and they said it's up to me whether I want to do anything about it but I don't want to be considered an 'alcoholic' and have to go to meetings and stuff.

I understand that -- it's taken me literally years to stop drinking because I felt like that. I had to hit what was my rock bottom to decide that at the end it was better to go to meetings than to do more self-harm -- both to my liver and my arms if you catch my drift. All my suicide attempts and most of my self-harm has been triggered by alcohol and this realisation was unpleasant enough for me to stop drinking. But your doctors are right -- it's up to you whether you want to do anything about it.

Don't worry about being "considered" as anything. It's not up to anyone to judge whether you are addicted or not. It's really only up to you. If alcohol is causing your problems in daily living, if you know it's harming you but you can't stop, if it contradicts the effects of your medication, you may want to look for help. BUT you may also not do it. You may go to meetings or not. You may stop drinking or not. The label of "alcoholic" isn't particularly important, especially applied by someone else. What you feel and do is important. Perhaps look at the Addiction section and read people's experiences, or post your own -- maybe that helps. And if you do decide that you need help, remember that nobody has to know you're getting it.

Big hugs and I hope you feel less numb soon.

oliveira wrote:All my suicide attempts and most of my self-harm has been triggered by alcohol and this realisation was unpleasant enough for me to stop drinking. But your doctors are right -- it's up to you whether you want to do anything about it.

I too self harm really bad when I'm drunk, and although I haven't tried to commit suicide (in my opinion) I remember being at a friends house when I was very drunk, and I got all of my tablets out of my bag (don't know what they were) and then ran to the kitchen and grabbed a knife. I just remember sitting there crying and it kinda scared me. My friends stopped me and called my mum. It's scary to think what I'm capable of, but at the same time I don't want to lose 'what I can do' because it makes me who I am and now I'm beginning to feel numb again, (this is bad of me) but, I like being able to hurt myself and in control when I'm drunk. Not even self harm makes me feel 'alive' when I'm sober anymore. Being drunk is who I am, and who I should be and was sober.

Sorry if that doesn't make sense!!!