It can get better

Hi, I'm new-ish here. I actually came to this forum to learn about narcissistic personality disorder, but I see so much pain on the Depression forum, I wanted to tell you my story.

I'm 46 and I was diagnosed with "severe" clinical depression when I was 20. I didn't know I was depressed; I thought I had anger issues. Now I realize that anger is how people in my family expressed depression.

I had been depressed all my life. As young as 5 I remember people asking why I looked so sad. I also got furiously angry, often, over everything. Actually I thought the way I felt was normal and everyone but me was just better at acting happy. I didn't have friends because I had no interest in other people and couldn't get out of my own head, and no one wanted to be around me either.

In college I made some friends and even had a boyfriend, but I took a lot of criticism for having a really bad temper. Sophomore year I finally went to a counselor about it. He gave me a quiz with what seemed like a lot of random questions. He read my answers and started talking about medication. I was like, huh? He said, "You really blew the top off this depression quiz."

So at first counseling was really helpful because I hadn't even known what was wrong, but I quickly got frustrated with the counselor just repeating back everything I said and I stopped going. Also, since I now had the words to discuss it, I could talk about it to other people and didn't really need to talk to a counselor specifically.

But the meds were the big turnaround. It was like having a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. Eventually the side effects got to me so I had to try different medications. I went through 10 of them before I found the best one for me. They help me get out of my own head, pay attention to other people, and make friends. They stop the repetitive thoughts (or what I called ricocheting thoughts) and what my counselor called "negative self-talk." They help me walk with my head up, which I couldn't do before.

I know meds aren't the answer for everyone. I know they are probably over-prescriped. I'm just saying, don't give up on them after one try, especially if you have a life-long case and a family history of depression like I do.

I've also found that taking Omega-3 helps. I take 2000 mg of fish oil a day, and it makes a slight but definitely noticable difference. My recommendations for people who can't afford counseling or medical treatment are:

1. Learn to talk about it. That's them most important.

2. Omega-3 supplements, 2000 mg. Less than that has no effect.

3. Vitamins - I guess D and the B vitamins are especially important. Research shows you don't need vitamins if you eat a balanced diet, but are you eating a balanced diet? Yeah, I didn't think so.

4. Exercise. Can't be overstated. It will help you a lot, but it's incredibly hard to get started. It's easier if you have someone to do it with.