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Never been "happy"

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Never been "happy"

Postby Graham88 » Fri Feb 14, 2014 5:44 am

Hello All,

This is my first time posting here. I have been diagnosed with OCD and depression. While talking to my diagnosing psychiatrist, he brought up the question: "What is depression to you?" The only thing I could think was, at this point, depression is my personality, though I couldn't explain that then. I've literally been depressed so long that I'm not sure that I ever was "happy." A lot of people always say "I just want to be okay again," but I don't ever known that I was okay.

Do any of you ever feel that way?
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Re: Never been "happy"

Postby rainbow_sprinkles » Mon Feb 17, 2014 4:10 am

I do. I can think of one brief time in my life during which I experienced joy, and the whole rest of it has just been dismal. nothing makes me happy.
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Re: Never been "happy"

Postby Graham88 » Mon Feb 17, 2014 11:37 pm

I feel like people think the answer to this kind of unhappiness is "Do Something," but what is there to do when nothing makes you happy? Nothing that I can see.
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Re: Never been "happy"

Postby Havoctoria » Tue Feb 18, 2014 12:46 am

I remember "happy" moments I've achieved either through some outside source of stimulation (drugs, music, funny images, etc.; things that excite my senses) or through maladaptive daydreaming. I've never been truly happy, and pleasant emotions come and go like sun showers.
So allein will ich nicht sein
Ich such dich unter jedem Stein
Ich schlaf mit einem Messer ein
Wo bist du? Wo bist du?


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Re: Never been "happy"

Postby rainbow_sprinkles » Tue Feb 18, 2014 5:08 am

Graham88 wrote:I feel like people think the answer to this kind of unhappiness is "Do Something," but what is there to do when nothing makes you happy? Nothing that I can see.


not to mention, this kind of deep-rooted depression usually includes a complete lack of motivation, which means we just don't have it in us to get up and go "do something." I have a hell of a time doing anything besides sitting on my ass doing stuff on the internet or watching netflix.
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Re: Never been "happy"

Postby Graham88 » Tue Feb 18, 2014 10:49 pm

I feel the same way. I spend most of my time daydreaming, waiting, and watching Netflix, and it used to be enough. Enough to get by at least and to wake up and struggle through another day doing whatever had to be done.

However, it just doesn't feel that way anymore. I feel like something is broken, and it cannot be put back. That something needs to be done now, now, now, but I don't know how to save myself without simultaneously ruining my life or destroying my family's illusion of normality and me.

I'm stuck.
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Re: Never been "happy"

Postby Tauran » Wed Feb 26, 2014 6:57 pm

Have you talked to a counselor or a doctor about it?
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Re: Never been "happy"

Postby Graham88 » Wed Feb 26, 2014 10:22 pm

Yes, Tauran. Sort of. I've talked to a psychiatrist and a couple of doctors. The general consensus seems to be medication, which isn't exactly effective.
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Re: Never been "happy"

Postby Tauran » Wed Feb 26, 2014 10:33 pm

Which medication has not been effective and how long were you on it?

There are 11 classes of antidepressants and several diffierent drugs in each class.
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Re: Never been "happy"

Postby Graham88 » Sun Mar 02, 2014 6:53 am

A low dose of Zoloft. It was just increased to 100MG.
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