Never been "happy"

Hello All,

This is my first time posting here. I have been diagnosed with OCD and depression. While talking to my diagnosing psychiatrist, he brought up the question: "What is depression to you?" The only thing I could think was, at this point, depression is my personality, though I couldn't explain that then. I've literally been depressed so long that I'm not sure that I ever was "happy." A lot of people always say "I just want to be okay again," but I don't ever known that I was okay.

Do any of you ever feel that way?

I do. I can think of one brief time in my life during which I experienced joy, and the whole rest of it has just been dismal. nothing makes me happy.

I feel like people think the answer to this kind of unhappiness is "Do Something," but what is there to do when nothing makes you happy? Nothing that I can see.

I remember "happy" moments I've achieved either through some outside source of stimulation (drugs, music, funny images, etc.; things that excite my senses) or through maladaptive daydreaming. I've never been truly happy, and pleasant emotions come and go like sun showers.

Graham88 wrote:I feel like people think the answer to this kind of unhappiness is "Do Something," but what is there to do when nothing makes you happy? Nothing that I can see.

not to mention, this kind of deep-rooted depression usually includes a complete lack of motivation, which means we just don't have it in us to get up and go "do something." I have a hell of a time doing anything besides sitting on my ass doing stuff on the internet or watching netflix.

I feel the same way. I spend most of my time daydreaming, waiting, and watching Netflix, and it used to be enough. Enough to get by at least and to wake up and struggle through another day doing whatever had to be done.

However, it just doesn't feel that way anymore. I feel like something is broken, and it cannot be put back. That something needs to be done now, now, now, but I don't know how to save myself without simultaneously ruining my life or destroying my family's illusion of normality and me.

I'm stuck.

Have you talked to a counselor or a doctor about it?

Yes, Tauran. Sort of. I've talked to a psychiatrist and a couple of doctors. The general consensus seems to be medication, which isn't exactly effective.

Which medication has not been effective and how long were you on it?

There are 11 classes of antidepressants and several diffierent drugs in each class.

A low dose of Zoloft. It was just increased to 100MG.