Trauma and withdrawal from classes

Hi all, haven't been here in a while but I really need some support...
(25/f dx with bipolar 1 and severe depression in 2007)

I cheated on my live-in boyfriend of almost 5 years in December 2013. He kicked me out of the house when he found out, but then we ended up getting back together and I moved back in. He forgives me, but he is still getting over it.

The breakup was a HUGE emotional trauma for me and I am still suffering it. My mind is completely blank. I cannot read or write or focus, which is awful because I am a full-time student at a university. I feel like a huge chunk of my personality has been lost. I told my professors that I am going to get a medical withdrawal from my classes because I just can't handle the stress. I don't want to. I want to get better.

TL;DR - Has anyone experienced an emotional trauma? How did you cope with it? Is there anything I can do to help myself? (I cannot afford a therapist)

Hi Solemn,

A traumatic experience can hit you like a truck and leave you with residual injuries even after it's been "resolved". Even though your boyfriend has forgiven you, moving forward in a relationship after something like that will take time. You're probably still feeling some tension and fear, but I'm glad you're situated back at home. Bipolar depression episodes are hard to bounce back from. It can feel like its dragging on forever, and everyday becomes a challenge, even when you want to get better so bad. I know for me, when I get hit with depression all I want to do is sleep and hide from the world. I totally relate to the blank mind, which makes social interactions and school ten times harder. Even holding a conversation becomes hard work. Nothing is fun anymore, and emptiness takes over everything.

I know this is difficult and you might be worried you're going to fall behind badly in classes, but my honest recommendation would be to not withdraw. I've been through school withdrawals and in my experience its caused more harm and made depression last longer. It allows for you to withdraw not just from school, but from life. If you stick around in school it gives you a reason to power through this depression. Its a reason to get up everyday and actively try to recover and build strength. Plus, at least from my experience, withdrawing for medical leave can make you feel sad on top of everything else. It makes you feel overwhelmed by your disorder, like you're putting a pause on life and you might become depressed that you're not in school doing something positive for your life. It could make you feel like you're going nowhere. You might find yourself picking up in a month or so, and it's still early in the semester.

If your school has a counselor I'd highly recommend visiting them before you make a final decision. I know most schools provide that service free as part of your tuition. Maybe even consider dropping down to one or two classes? The ones you like more than the difficult, daunting courses you might be enrolled in now. Whatever your decision, stay strong and get lots of rest. I hope the best for you, and remember these depressions never last forever.