When the meds stop working...

Hi everybody. I'm new here, but not new to depression. About 6 or 7 years ago I started suffering from major depression. I began injuring myself to cope with the intense pain. I started therapy, and it took almost a year for my psychiatrist to find the right medications for me. After that, things were great, with the meds working nicely this whole time.

That is, until November of 2005. I had been in a very serious relationship for almost 4 and a half years, and it ended. I was devastated. I got very depressed, but I was coping. Then in the first week of January, I had to get my 15 year old cat put to sleep. I'd had him since I was 8 years old. It absolutely broke my heart. Then a couple months after that, I was faced with serious money problems (which still continue). After that, I didn't cope well with the depression.

My doctor raised my meds to their max, but it didn't help at all. I started injuring myself again, after having stopped for 5 years. My doctor added a new med to the mix (Provigil) that messed with my birth control, and I got seriously suicidal (from hormone changes) for the first time in a very long time. He took that med out, but my depression has simply progressed, and now I think about dying all the time.

I have my 24 hour on call friend, but the thoughts of dying never go away. I've made suicide attempts, though not 100% serious ones. In other words, the purpose of the wounds are very obvious, but they're not serious enough to warrant medical attention. Even when I'm consumed with wanting to die, there is a part of me that realizes that all I really want is some relief, not death. My friend usually shows up here to make me stop by that time too, and to watch over me until the urge goes away.

I have decided to wean myself off the Luvox and Seroquel. There's the remote possibility that it's contributing to the problem now, but I can say for certain that it's not relieving the problem. This has got to stop. I'm so tired of feeling this way. It feels like it has gone on forever, and that it will continue on for the rest of my life. I wonder if maybe I am supposed to feel this way, that I should stop fighting and just accept that this is how things are for me.

Classes start up in September, and I've got a busy work month ahead of me in August. I've always got bandaids on my wrists and I know people have to wonder. How am I going to deal with all those things? I can barely handle my home life as it is. Some days I don't even get out of bed.

Am I now beyond help?

No you are not beyond help.
Meds do stop working eventually, I was on Zoloft for 8 yrs before they stopped working.

The thing is you need to talk to your doctor and try something else, let him/her know what you are feeling, that you really feel horrible, that the thoughts are there and they are worrying you.

I was on a few different meds, and now I think I found the one that works best for me, Effexor, but finding the right medication can be hard..... Hang in there, don't give up.