to wear a crown of thorns

twice now I have had this over-whelming urge to make a crown of thorns out of barb wire and put in on my head them smash it down and wear it. I know that 1) it would probably be excruciatingly painful 2) would scar the hell out of my head and 3) get me locked up for 72 hours if I wore it in public and/or fired at work if I wore it to work. Yet, I cannot shake this urge/compulsion. I do think of Jesus a lot and do believe that suffering and pain bring you closer to GOD. There would be a lot of blood if there was that many cuts/would to your head.

Please don't do this. It's a very bad idea and you will regret it. If you want to worship God, go to church or do some devotionals at home, etc. But don't do it this way. I think if you are seeing a therapist, now would be a good time to tell him/her of your fantasy. Please don't do it.

What is driving you to want this? Is it simply because you believe that pain and suffering bring you closer to God, or is there something else behind it? I'm thinking you need help, and that is a surefire way to get it. Can you call a crisis line or something and talk through this? Or go to the hospital on your own if you don't feel safe?