Having success with meds

My family has a large occurrence of depression and anxiety.

I've often felt I suffered from it but sought no help.

I stay active, eat healthy, supplement with vitamin D and fish oil, try and keep a routine, avoid drugs, drama, etc.

Nevertheless this past fall just got me down bad. I don't know if its SAD or what, but the change of season, the winter, darkness, just devastated me. Add insult to injury, we have a horribly stressful boss at work.

All days blended into one another like groundhog day (movie) that I couldn't escape. I was short with people. My mind was everywhere and nowhere -- total inability to focus. Just negative feelings in general with a heavyness about things. Also a sense of fear/impending fear (kind of the anxiety side).

Eventually I went into what I call a "Tailspin" -- one thing just added to it, and made things worse, until I felt I had no control and was rapidly crashing down. One thing after another.

It felt like my world was falling apart. I went to the doctor with a list of things, seemed to be a mix of depression, anxiety and some obsession-like behaviour. I am a 31 year old man and broke down in tears before I could get the list off! I'd barely been keeping it together and he could tell.

He put me on a medication (cipralex/lexapro...obviously works different for everyone). Holy hell my life has definitely made a marked improvement:

1. I stopped eating carbohydrates. Prior to the med I had lost all ability to control myself when eating. I would just eat eat eat carbohydrates and I'm not normally like that. I gained a solid 15lbs in 2 months time. My appetite is now under control. I eat when hungry or when I need to. Before I would just inhale all carbohydrates, run out, and buy more. I would leave the apartment just to buy food on purpose like it was a mission. That only happens when I'm extremely stressed and depressed.

It's insane what the anxiety and depression did. I was teetering on picking up cigarettes again, too! I quit cold turkey over 2 years ago so that would have been a huge let down.

2. I get really deep rewarding sleeps. I had been waking up and never properly sleeping. Seems now I feel really refreshed on waking. The sleeps just feel different. Much deeper, much more refreshed feeling.

3. I am more present in the moment, less in my head, more in the surrounding environment.

4. Dwelling has subsided a lot.

5. Negative side has stopped. Even when it's dark and crap out I still feel alright now !

6. Life feels richer and with more depth. I don't know how to explain this but I have an appreciation for things differently, now. Almost the same good feelings I get when it's April/spring time and the smells that emerge (nature, mud, thawed ground, the sound of birds, etc).

I just want to report this not to gloat but to say "keep your chin up". I couldn't see a way out for a period there. My mind started to think intrusive thoughts like jump off my balcony etc.

I am lucky to have responded well to the first med they put me on. I wish good luck to you all and a speedy recovery to whatever illness ails you -- particularly depression and anxiety.

Don't beat yourself up when you loose footing. It's about the war, not the battle. Stay in there. I'm athletic so having put on 15lbs of fat is something that definitely upset me but we can't be hard on ourselves, lighten up if possible and forgive yourself... it can be hard as hell but this anxiety and depression can be far too much to deal with on its own.

I am getting my resolve back to get back in better shape now for 2014 and continue to invest in my health, well-being and that of those I love (family and friends). This thing kicked me down, but I'm going to dust myself off and keep going.

Take care and peace.