DEPRESSED!!!

Hope there is someone who can help me?
I am a married man 40 years old in a job that gives me no happiness and live a very boring life.
I work hard to bring home the bacon, but when i get home it is always the same. Wife complaining about the kids, money, house work and cleaning. This goes on everyday for the last 3-5 years now. I have considered ending it all and having peace. I dont want to make it odvious and make it sem like a normal death. So i have been slowly possoning myself over the last year with medications. This way my family will get all the insurance money without questions.
Any thoughts out there?

Speaking as the child of someone that did that, please don't. You have NO idea the trauma it will cause them. I don't care how much my mom's policy was worth, I'd rather have her back. And the thing is, yeah depression sucks, but there are ways around it. Suicide is forever. Get a divorce, find a new job... but please don't do that to your family or yourself.

I'm sorry if I offend anyone but this subject is so very painful for me, even 5 years later.

There are much better ways to make changes in life instead of just "ending" it. You could change your job. Talk to your wife about how you feel. If you feel you are so unhappy in your marriage and change can't happen....end your marriage....Divorce will be MUCH easier on your children then your suicide. And don't think that they'll never know you ended your life by your measures. They will figure it out. Are you currently in counseling? If not....go back. Work on the things that are taking away from your happiness. You can make changes in your life and take it back and find happiness. The things you list as causing you to feel this way ....you have the power to turn your life around and seek happiness. DEATH does not have to be your only way out or answer. It's a very selfish one that's for sure. Do you not love your children? Do they cause you to feel depression? Do you not want to see them grow up? Do you not find any joy in being w/ your children? Does life suck SO bad that you just do not want any part of your children's lives anymore? My questions probably sound like I'm a real ass....but then consider what you are suggesting/doing. Think about it. In reality....it's what you are pretty much implying. If your children mean anything to you at all .....stop this and focus on making changes that don't take yourself away from them. We'll leave your wife and job out of the equation for a min. here.....your parents, siblings, and all other relatives and friends that would miss you and grieve for your loss and be affected by your suicide.....what about the children you leave behind to now grow up w/out a father. What are your thoughts and emotions about no longer being a part of their life? Have you seriously thought this through?


Ok. Enough w/ the lecture. Yes. Thoughts out here. There is HELP for you. Suicide does NOT have to be your option. You have SEVERAL options at your fingertips and you do not have to choose death. Have you talked w/ your wife yet about how you feel? Does she have any clue about how you feel? Have you given her a chance to make any changes and adjustments to how she is and how things are at home? If there are problems in your marraige, have you talked w/ her about what you feel they are and considered couples counseling. She may be going about her day and life thinking that the two of you have a really great marraige adn when you actually do sit down and share this all w/ her she will be completely shocked. ...but willing to help you. And if you feel this isn't about her or her faults....this is all on your shoulders....again.....talk w/ her....seek out her help.....consider counseling for yourself and seek help in working through things that are upsetting to you. If you are unhappy in your job....you can always find another job. Consider what it is about your job that is making you unhappy and start a job search. Maybe it's long hours....maybe your wife could go back to work as well and there could be compromise between your new job and a job for your wife. If your wife has comlaints and you feel like the min. you walk through the door...you are already stressed from work and she just throws her stresses on you.....talk to her about it and the two of you can come up w/ a better way for her to handle that. But realize ....you go out the door to work each day....her work is as a stay-at-home mom....she doesn't have the luxury of leaving the house and talking w/ other adults....she is home all day long in that house w/ no one else to talk too....so she is bubbling over w/ everything to talk about ....I know....I've been there....the min. my husband walks through the door I used to ambush him because it's like OH THANK GOD finally an ADULT to talk to and everything I've held in all day long just comes pouring out....and it's always a flood of "do you know what your brats did today"!!! to all the good things mixed in between.....and you get so stressed w/ the kids non-stop ........think about it....any stress you have at work....you can get up from your desk adn walk around the corner and BS w/ another co-worker over a ciggerette or cup of coffee or whatever...phone rings and you have another adult voice on the line...business or small talk.......your wife...she's there in that house all day long....she has herself and the kids. How much does she get out....is she getting out only to run errands or does she actually get out w/ her own friends. You need to sit down and talk w/ her......find out what the problems are and actually try to put solutions into place and try them out! and again....if you find between the two of you that you are at a loss as to how to do that...you know what the problems are and how to argue about them but you cant' seem to come up w/ good solutions or how to put them into place....here is where a marraige counselor will do you wonders!!!!!!!!


I could write forever on this topic. There is SO much you can do to better your situation w/out having to end your life...........you have to start trying though first. And it WON'T happen overnight. It took 3-5 years to get you to this point. It built up over time.....it will take time to work it all out and make it better.

Hi Don21,
Angel says it all!!!! Please hold on and stay strong... You have the ability to change and improve your life- suicide is NOT the answer!!!!
Please take care of yourself... I'm sorry that you're in so much pain right now, but you have to have hope that things will get better!
<3
drama_queen

I agree with Angel here. There are so many oppotunities for you. You do have the power to change your life. There is so much beauty out there for you to experience. One of which being seeing your children grow and have kids of their own. If you jobs sucks, change it. If that isn't a possiblity for you then, try looking at it differently. Your job, and the money you make doing it, doesn't make you who you are. And, it shouldn't define your happiness. Work is only a means to survive. Family and friends are what make life and the struggles that go along with it worth living.

As Angel has already stated above, you should talk to your wife. It is not fair for her to make you feel guilty about the financial difficulties that you BOTH are having. She might be doing this without even knowing what stress it is causing you. You really do have a lot to live for. You have family and love. Two of the upmost important and joyful possessions one can own. Please take care of yourself. Your family's happiness depends on it.

Ps. A good book for you to read that has completely changed my life and way of thinking is "The Power of Now" By Eckhart Tolle

I'm going to look for a link for you to check it out. Stay strong. You are a beautiful creature I can assure you. And, if you try hard enough you will see that too. Keep you head up hun. Things will get better.

Amy

I agree with Amy and Angel. I lost my father at a young age and it was devistating for me. It has cause dme more depression then I already had and I hate having to think about it everyday. Do you really want to do this to your children? Think about them. Also I agree that you should try talking to your wife. She may not no what she is doing to you. Please dont do this to yourself. Think of the kids.

Take care,
Kayty

wow, don, i think alot of people go through what your going through. Its like a mid-life crisis where you realize like "HOLYSHIT! Im stuck in this dead-ass job, my wifes not who she used to be, my finances are like a kick in the nuts....etc" but the thing is, most of the people who have been there and done that are fine now.
Its quite noble that you planned your suicide to benefit your family, but it wont. No amount of money in the world will ever bring back your kids father, or wifes husband if you do die.

My 2c on this is that, if you kill yourself so that the policy pays out, it will probably make your children feel guilty, like you thought they deserved your death. They might then wish not to have been born.

Essentially, you take away people's choice when you do something for them that they can't change. If you want to be kind to people, don't do final things on their behalf. They won't be able to change it and they might want to.