Hey there,
I'm a gay teenager who's been having feelings of anxiety and depression. But what bothers me the most are the sexual thoughts and desired I've been having.
I'm almost exclusively attracted to asian guys, and I have been having a lot of sexual thoughts about them lately. One of my fantasies are getting a body slide massage from them. Another fantasy is having sexual relations. The reason I'm feeling frustrated is because I fear I'm going to act upon my fantasies in the future. I don't want to be spontaneous and have anything go wrong, like getting an STD.
I've also been dating a guy 2 times, but I'm not sure if I would want to pursue a relationship with him. He's a nice guy, but I'm just not sure if I like him enough in "that way." He's never asked me out, it has always been me who's made the first move. But now I realize that I might not be emotionally ready. I just fear where this is going. I am out to my parents, but he is not. He also lives relatively far away.
Also, I've been feeling trapped in my house. When I get home, depression always kicks in. I do well is school, but I find it hard to keep up since I'm such a procrastinator. At times, I've sat all day just looking at my phone, doing nothing. I don't want to be living my life like this. I keep listening over and over to the same song, day after day. It's getting obsessive and I don't like it.
I do see a therapist, but we talk more about general issues. Nothing this personal, because that would feel like an invasion of privacy. She helped me come out to my parents, but nothing more personal than that.