The urge to sabotage happiness

My situation:

I recently quit a job because I started to not want to get up in the mornings and was fighting with myself to go to work. I have found this pattern forming for a while with previous other jobs. I have lost about 4 jobs now because of this behaviour. I recognised it as a form of sabotage - every time things go right I mess it up on purpose.

Has anyone dealt with this specific issues before and how do you deal with it?

A girl from the past recently got back in touch with me via the internet. She disclosed that she wanted to meet me, and used to have strong feelings for me when we knew each other, even though she was engaged at the time. She is divorced now.

I sabotaged that, since I was really depressed, irritable, and just not myself. She may never talk to me again, as I was rude to her, and wrote her a nasty letter. I have no idea why I did it. I would have never done anything like this, if I was in the right mind frame. I've never felt so much guilt, shame, or remorse. I may have blown a good thing for good.

SadInLeduc wrote:A girl from the past recently got back in touch with me via the internet. She disclosed that she wanted to meet me, and used to have strong feelings for me when we knew each other, even though she was engaged at the time. She is divorced now.

I sabotaged that, since I was really depressed, irritable, and just not myself. She may never talk to me again, as I was rude to her, and wrote her a nasty letter. I have no idea why I did it. I would have never done anything like this, if I was in the right mind frame. I've never felt so much guilt, shame, or remorse. I may have blown a good thing for good.

Sounds like you should apologize, even if it doesnt heal your relationship it might heal the damage done to her and yourself.

To respond to the thread, this sounds like self destructive behavior in a way. A lot of times ive done this to intensify symptoms, not really sure why. I know ive smoked weed for a long time even though it progressively brought out more psychotic symptoms, part of me wanted to see just how 'trippy' things could get, the other part wanted to fully bring out whatever was hiding under the surface, i guess to get done with the wait. This is the type of thing that is intensified as your depression does, as you find happiness/energy you will feel less inclined to do this. I suggest doing research into spiritual healing, meditation, etc. These things tend to make you more logical and relaxed, really anyone with emotional issues should do this i think. Also seeking help would be helpful.