To get off the meds?

Hi,
My diagnosis is a little bit vague but I'll try to explain. I've been on anti-psychotics for the past few years, am now 20 and unsure if I should go off them. I tried earlier this year and failed. I'm sorry, this is difficult to explain.

I go off of the medication and I get really depressed (this has happened on a few other occasions). I begin to have suicidal ideation. Now for me now as someone who is more stable this is concerning.

The doctors could never give me a clear diagnosis, it switched from Depression to PTSD, and recently one said I exhibited symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder with bipolar-like mood swing <--What that means is that I could be fine, and then suddenly burst into tears and become a wreck (minus mania) and then fine again within a matter of hours (i know. it'd be like I wasn't like that at all, i'd even laugh...i know)

I looked up BPD and it doesn't sound like me, at least not how I am now. The days of depression are far behind me and I like to think I am recovered.

I was thinking of going off of the medication, I sometimes feel like my emotions are dulled, though I can hardly remember what they used to be like. I know this isn't meant to be a long term solution but each time that I have tried to get off I get into a pretty dark place real quick. I like to think now I am in the right place to wean off and eventually stop taking them, but my history is still there.

Can any of you relate? Have you gone off them and been fine?

I'm really sorry if any of this offends anyone, if so please mod the offending words and don't delete the thread. I just need to talk to someone about this, I can't see a doctor at the moment.

I wouldn't come off them without consulting a doctor.

I go off of the medication and I get really depressed (this has happened on a few other occasions). I begin to have suicidal ideation. Now for me now as someone who is more stable this is concerning.

It is tempting to stop meds when you feel OK. I have tried several times but after a few months I find myself getting depressed again.
I think for some people they need meds, like a diabetic needs insulin. It does not cure the problem but keeps it under control.
Do you live with anyone, is there someone who could keep an eye on you?
I think you should only stop with a doctors agreement though.