My biggest challenge

Hi, dear friends!

I’m Laura.

I have devoted the last 7 years to improving myself and at the beginning it was very very hard. My biggest problem was that I had no idea where to start, but once I’ve decided exactly what I wanted and exactly what my biggest fears and frustrations are I was unleashed.

Out of these 7 years 5 were wandering in circles. This was my big issue, being able to admit to myself what I really wanted. It turned out that I didn’t like my job as an accountant at all, didn’t want to work until 7 p.m. every work day. I had really low self-esteem and depression at sometimes.

I always didn’t have free time. The other thing I didn’t have and desperately wanted was the respect and admiration of my own family. This was the hardest for me to admit.
And I didn’t want to start a diet, because I was afraid what would my friends and family think of me limiting myself. I had hard time to admit that my marriage wasn’t going good at all and I was always angry at my husband for no reason. I was always deluding myself of the current situation.

So after 5 years of trying to fix my life, I decided…this is it. And sit down and wrote what my biggest fears, frustrations and desires are.
The next 2 year I have followed my own action plan, devoted to coping with my fears and getting control of my life.
So now 2 years later I have dealt with my depression and anxiety completely. I also changed my job and now I make twice the money and everybody at my financial consultant job likes me.
And this mental change helped me improve my emotional and physical health dramatically.

But the thing that I love the most of my new-self is that I spend much more intimate time with my husband and our marriage is as strong as it was at the first year.
This was not easy at all and it took time and dedication, but the big step I took was admitting what’s wrong, what I am afraid of and what I REALLY want.

Here in this forum, there are lots of people that can help you, so I encourage you to write here.
Write what is your biggest fears and frustration with changing yourself and what you really want.

P.S.
I know it’s hard to tell exactly what’s stopping you, but if you don’t admit it you will stay the same.
SO WHAT ARE YOURS BIG OBSTICLES AND YOUR HONEST DESIRES?

Write them here to help others admit theirs.

Well done.

My desires and obstacles:

- I want to have my own family (including marriage).
- I want to be part of an organisation or movement that makes a positive difference.
- I want to be respected and I want people I love to come to me for advice or guidance.
- I want to reach a managerial role where I am leading a team and/or have a significant amount of influence (I have done parts of this already but not quite).
- I want to be reliable and trusted (right now I'm inconsistent especially at work and have suffered and my friends have to).
- I want to be the social organiser amongst my friends who is known for throwing events where people have fun.
- In the future after Ive settled in my own business (ideally) or semi retired from being a counsellor or similar role, after my own kids have grown I will foster as many children as I can handle. Because I feel strongly about this.

Right now I am seem to be stuck in a circle of sabotaging any career success by being unreliable. I used to sabotage my relationship success but seem to have matured in that area.