Stuck in the Middle

Hi I am a 31 year old female living and working in Australia. I have done the most stupid things in my life, but, my family life seems to make me depressed all the time.

I have two children (aged 1 & 2 yrs) who are cared for by my Mother Monday to Friday. My mother returns them to me on Friday nights.

My family connection is very strong, so strong tha tif I do something to upset the family the whole family will turn against you. I am the weird person in the family. Family referred to me as screwed up, pyscho, weirdo, loser and gambler.

We have many family events that I do not bother showing up too, mainly cause they are drinking sessions and I prefer to not be involved so I don't go.

I have a unsupportive and disrespectful partner. He is not understanding of anything.

I am constantly in the middle of fighting amongest my family and me and what I believe and I am finding it very depressing. I know that muy issues are not as big as others but it is still very depressing.

Growing up my mother had hughe issues with money. She would not pay bills, gamble, borrow money and we had things repossesed. We were alo evicted out of many homes, and this was from birth and still continues now.

Then I also became a gambler, spending everything I had. I ahev also been decitful with money.

But I am trying to get my family ahead. I am trying to make everyone happy and don't know which way to go. i am very upset and do not know what to do. My sisters think I am a crack pot. I am very pset now, after arguing again with my mother and my partner said I should have stayed at work.

He will also say not my problem, that is your choice. Lost just want it all to end and be happy.

Well ending it all isn't the answer. That's simply an escape and once you choose suicide, you can't come back. I'm sure you've realized all you'd leave behind....all the good....like your children....friends!

You can only change you. Remember that. You cannot change your entire family. You can talk to them and you can let them know what you think of all this and how their actions are affecting you. You can ask for change, but you cannot expect it. If it doesn't come....then you have to consider making some tough decesions regarding your relationship w/ your family. Because you need to put YOU first. If you talk w/ your family and express how you feel, etc. to them and nothing changes and you are left feeling this depressed and like taking your life is your only answer out.....then you need to consider cutting back your ties w/ your family. Pulling back and creating distance w/ them. However much distance makes it possible for you to not concern yourself w/ what they say. You know what your life is. You know the truth. If they can't appreciate that and their perception does not match the truth....they are loosing out w/ you. But you simply have to put yourself first here. You cannot change your family if they don't want to be changed. And really....why should you have to. You should only have to focus on you.

Is there any other means of daycare for you? Might be best to not have your mom watch your children full-time like that. Take back some control in that area of your life as well. Don't give your family so much hold over you and so much "in" in your life. As for the fighting. Again....if you talk to them and they still can't let this all go and stop w/ the talking of you, etc.....then you have to pull yourself back. Don't allow yourself to get caught up in their fights and drama. You can't change them and if you talk to them about how you feel and try to express to them that they have you all wrong and they still continue w/ this....your getting in these arguments is never going to get you anywhere but further into your depression. You simply have to step out of that. If they try to start something up w/ you tell them you simply are not going to get into this and walk away from the conversation. Literally.


I don't pretend to think that this choice is an easy choice either. Standing up to your family and standing your ground, especially when you are not used to doing so, at first is difficult. I have been in this place w/ my siblings and their wives. To be frank....I HATE them! But I love my parents. On the one hand my husband understands how I feel and respects my feelings...but on the other hand he gets along w/ the 4 of them. It's hard. He works for my one brother. He does agree w/ many of the things I point out...but his views on it differ from mine. His are like....why do you care? If they can't accept you....so what....one less family member trying to be all over your business! But as for why he works for my brother....he's been there 11yrs. and he loves the work. He started out working for my father. My brother now runs the business. It works for him and he's happy there.....so I respect that for him. Anyway. For the rest of things....I only see my brothers the few times a year we are at my parents. Sad. Especially when you consider we live only 10-20mins. apart from each other and they all do things w/ each other and their kids. But they don't even really know my girls. Oh the things I could share w/ you!! Bet we could go back and forth writing of our families and feelings!!!!! Anyway. I used to be like a puppy at their heals at family events. A dog under the table waiting for any scrap of attention I could get from them. And I'd always leave feeling let down because if they did treat me well at my parents and I did have a good time....I knew it would end there. Because they don't include me any other time. They get together all the time nad they shut us out from family b-days, etc. My kids love to play w/ theirs and they shut us out. And what really pisses me off.....I've not done anything to deserve this. My one brother's wife decided to not like me years ago. Her moods swing something fierce. She used to include me on things. But more and more I'm cut out from them. Well. I finally said this is just BS. They don't include us for anything yet when we are at my parents they all talk to me and smile and act like everything is great between us? BS! I finally stopped that crap too. I pull back even at my parents. I don't say much to them at all anymore. When my brother tries to BS w/ me like we've done since growing up....I no longer do that. I just walk away. He looks at me like what is my problem and I'm thinking FU...how can he not get that he treats me one way at our parents and then come his kids b-day...everyone in our and his wife's family is there but my husband, me and my daughters? He doesn't get how he cuts me out in every other way? No. That doesn't work for me. ...................anyway...............easy for me to get caught up in my own story here. Sorry. As you can see. If I think about it I still get very angry. But that's just it. I had to start pulling back. I don't talk w/ them anymore at all. And when my brother does talk to me in certain ways.....where before I'd put a smile on my face and go along w/ it......now I stand my ground and I say what I think. Truly. I say what he needs and deserves to hear. It's not an easy thing to do but I feel better about myself when I walk away now. Because I don't feel like that dog under the table begging for any scrap of attention I can get only to be kicked to the curb later. I feel better about myself. And I figure they can think of me what they want. Because my husband's family sees me for who I am and appreciates me. My friends see it, etc. etc. I surround myself w/ those who know me and appreciate me. Not those that treat me like crap....family or otherwise.

So again. It's not an eay thing to do....but maybe an option you need to consider. Far better choice then taking your own life. Why should you have to die for their bad actions? Why should you have to miss out on all the good in life because they can't see clear to the truth and good in you? If they can't figure out the truth abuot you and put a stop to all of this.....your suicide isn't going to change things either. You simply won't be here anymore and they'll still go on thinking and speaking of you as they always did only now they'll add your suicide to the list of things to be angry about and talk bad about. There are simply better ways for you to get out of this depression and walk away from what your family is doing to you. .............................and again................this is all persay you feel that if you simply sit down w/ them and talk things out that it still would not change anything.

Hey Stuck in the middle,
Thx for posting! I think u'll find that most ppl are pretty supportive here.
I'm so sorry about your family situation- it sounds very difficult, and I know how confusing and frustrating it feels to be in the middle of a family conflict. The thing is, though, I know they're your family and you love them and everything...But that's awful that they insult you and put you down like that! In my opinion, I think it might do you some good to spend some time away from them...That negative criticism must be very hard to deal with, especially if you're in so much pain being around them that you're feeling suicidal! I agree w/ Angel, is there any other childcare options for your child, besides your mother? And I honestly think that you deserve better than your partner- you deserve someone caring who appreciates you and is willing to support you no matter what! I know it's a big step, but have you ever considered leaving him?
Good luck, and plz know that ur in my thoughts!
<3
drama_queen

Stuck in the middle wrote:Hi I am a 31 year old female living and working in Australia. I have done the most stupid things in my life, but, my family life seems to make me depressed all the time.

I have two children (aged 1 & 2 yrs) who are cared for by my Mother Monday to Friday. My mother returns them to me on Friday nights.

My family connection is very strong, so strong tha tif I do something to upset the family the whole family will turn against you. I am the weird person in the family. Family referred to me as screwed up, pyscho, weirdo, loser and gambler.

We have many family events that I do not bother showing up too, mainly cause they are drinking sessions and I prefer to not be involved so I don't go.

I have a unsupportive and disrespectful partner. He is not understanding of anything.

I am constantly in the middle of fighting amongest my family and me and what I believe and I am finding it very depressing. I know that muy issues are not as big as others but it is still very depressing.

Growing up my mother had hughe issues with money. She would not pay bills, gamble, borrow money and we had things repossesed. We were alo evicted out of many homes, and this was from birth and still continues now.

Then I also became a gambler, spending everything I had. I ahev also been decitful with money.

But I am trying to get my family ahead. I am trying to make everyone happy and don't know which way to go. i am very upset and do not know what to do. My sisters think I am a crack pot. I am very pset now, after arguing again with my mother and my partner said I should have stayed at work.

He will also say not my problem, that is your choice. Lost just want it all to end and be happy.

Link?