understanding why i feel this way

Never thought id seek help online but it seems like my best option. I dont really feel comfortable going to get professional help, dont really have anyone to talk to and ive always been one that doesnt believe in medication. I always said its mind over matter.

My problem is that i am ridiculously depressed and lonely, but i dont know why. I am a 23 year old male. In the past year, Ive quit smoking pot, i am working 2 jobs that i actually enjoy - im making decent money. Ive lost weight, ive got healthier with my eating habits, etc. What im getting at, is that overall, it seems like my life is much better. But why am i so un-happy?

Every morning I wake up with this god awful gut feeling of lonliness. I am constantly down on myself for pretty much no reason at all. I never used to be like this. I was a popular kid in high school and college. I dated, I had a lot of great friends, Id go out and have fun, you know, usual stuff...

Everything is gone though. From the time i get up to the time i go to bed, i just feel worthless and lonely. Its really starting to get on my nerves because like i said before, Ive never believed in medication, but now im almost thinking it might be a good option to explore.

I am not suicidal. Thoughts of myself being dead does cross my mind, but i just shake my head and forget about it quickly. Id like to say that im searching for happiness but i just...dont understand. Does my happiness lie in a soulmate? Maybe that would explain my lonliness, but ive never really had women problems so i dont know what to think.

As you can tell, im very confused. I was never like this growing up, and at this point in my life I can honestly say that I have become a responsible adult, and im taking care of my business. Just cant figure out why, day in day out, I just feel hopeless.

I miss the old me. I think i have more to say but my brain is just not functioning properly right now.

hello,

thanks for posting.

first, i'd like to say good job for getting as far as you have! quitting pot, working two jobs that you enjoy, eating healthier... i'm proud of you!

you're wondering why you are so unhappy. i do think it's because of your loneliness. you're like me: you don't have anyone to talk to, so you turn here. i think you might feel distanced and detached from the people around you... what happened to your friendships? do you ever go out with friends anymore or anything like that? for me, i feel empty when i do... because like you, i feel incredibly lonely... and i feel that being around them (people who are supposed to be my friend)only make me feel worse because i feel like i'm very different from them, as well as misunderstood. is this how you feel as well? if not, how do you feel when you're around others?

take care*

Hey Cacrv,
I'm glad that you found this site; I was nervous at first to get help online, too, but I've found that the people here are very supportive!
I'm so sorry about your depression and loneliness; I can see why you'd be confused as to why, considering it sounds like you are a very talented and successful person. Often though, for those of us who have depression, it doesn't matter how outwardly good things are... Have you ever considered that you may have clinical depression? That might explain the lonely feeling that doesn't seem to go away, no matter what. I know you don't want to, and I don't mean to pressure you at all, but please just consider getting some kind of professional test to see if you have clinical depression or not. And if you do, don't worry- it's not the end of the world! There are plenty of ways to learn to work your way around it without medication and sorts.
If I'm completely off track than I'm sorry, just thought I'd mention it in case.
Good luck, and take care!!!!!
<3
drama_queen

Dear Cacry,

It does sound as though you might be depressed. Have a read through the symptoms and see whether this picture is familiar, particularly the psychological stuff. If you are depressed it is a very real illness and needs treating, just as if you had any other illness. Certainly that feeling of your brain not working and feeling foggy is a very familiar feeling to me.

Physical symptoms: Insomnia (may take the form of early morning waking, being unable to get to sleep at the beginning of the night, or broken sleep), fatigue, anergia (lack of energy), poor appetite, weight loss, diurnal variation of mood (usually feeling worse in the morning and a bit better as the day goes on), loss of libido.

Psychological symptoms: Low mood, anhedonia (inability to experience pleasure), self blame, guilt, feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness and helplessness, irritability, suicidal ideas.

Cognitive symptoms: Poor concentration, memory impairment, selective memory for unhappy events, negative self-appraisal/self criticism.

Some people have more of these symptoms than others. Some people have "atypical" depression, in which rather than insomnia and loss of appetite they sleep all the time and crave carbohydrates. It varies from person to person.

Its really good that you're not having thoughts of harming yourself, but that doesn't mean that if you have depression, its not serious. It can affect your job and relationships and just stop you from feeling like you. Its worth getting help. Depression is not just

First of all I'd suggest talking to your family doctor (in the UK we call them GPs, not sure what they are elsewhere) and having a chat about your feelings. Include the physical stuff as well as your thoughts. They don't have to give you medication, although if they offer you an anti-depressant, think about why it is you are saying no. They are very effective drugs, although I know some people don't feel comfortable taking them. Certainly some of the side effects (e.g. paroxetine had me vomiting for two weeks straight, and then it abruptly stopped) can be unpleasant.

They may refer you for some sort of counselling or therapy. There are all sorts of different ones out there. What works for you will depend very much on your budget and personality. It will also depend on your therapist. If you take an instant dislike to someone, don't go and see them. You will be wasting your time and theirs. I found cognitive therapy very effective. Some people like it, some people think of it as a "sticking plaster" that doesn't work on the real problems and prefer psychodynamic/psychoanalytic therapy. Basically, see what works for you, find someone you feel comfortable with and go from there. Your doctor may be able to reccommend someone. Certainly find out what training anyone you see has had, and if they qualified by correspondance course I would be wary!

As a sort of "quick start" I would suggest upping your exercise (a quick jog sends endorphins to the brain which improve your mood), keeping a mood diary (recording what your mood is like at various points during the day and what activities you are doing at those points), writing down your worries before you sleep (helps the brain switch off for some reason) and if possible, telling someone close to you how you are feeling. Above all, don't beat yourself up for feeling this way, or for not being able to do what you normally would be able to do.

Don't feel bad for feeling this way. It happens to a lot of people, intelligent people, successful people, probably even people you know. Many people struggle with depression alone, never realising that there are a lot of people around them who have suffered from the same thing. If people tell you to pull yourself together or snap out of it, ignore them. They have no idea what they are talking about.

I hope some of this was useful. Sorry for such a long response. A book you might find helpful is Overcoming Depression, Dr Windy Dryden and Sarah Opie, ISBN 0-85969-818-1.

Good luck.

cacrv wrote:Never thought id seek help online but it seems like my best option. I dont really feel comfortable going to get professional help, dont really have anyone to talk to and ive always been one that doesnt believe in medication. I always said its mind over matter.

My problem is that i am ridiculously depressed and lonely, but i dont know why. I am a 23 year old male. In the past year, Ive quit smoking pot, i am working 2 jobs that i actually enjoy - im making decent money. Ive lost weight, ive got healthier with my eating habits, etc. What im getting at, is that overall, it seems like my life is much better. But why am i so un-happy?

Every morning I wake up with this god awful gut feeling of lonliness. I am constantly down on myself for pretty much no reason at all. I never used to be like this. I was a popular kid in high school and college. I dated, I had a lot of great friends, Id go out and have fun, you know, usual stuff...

Everything is gone though. From the time i get up to the time i go to bed, i just feel worthless and lonely. Its really starting to get on my nerves because like i said before, Ive never believed in medication, but now im almost thinking it might be a good option to explore.

I am not suicidal. Thoughts of myself being dead does cross my mind, but i just shake my head and forget about it quickly. Id like to say that im searching for happiness but i just...dont understand. Does my happiness lie in a soulmate? Maybe that would explain my lonliness, but ive never really had women problems so i dont know what to think.

As you can tell, im very confused. I was never like this growing up, and at this point in my life I can honestly say that I have become a responsible adult, and im taking care of my business. Just cant figure out why, day in day out, I just feel hopeless.

I miss the old me. I think i have more to say but my brain is just not functioning properly right now.

i actually have no idea. klikity klow