So confused about this.

I guess in order for this to make sense, I should start from the beginning and hope it'll all make some sense to someone. So here goes.

Several years ago me and hubby decided to move to his home country after living in my home country for a a couple years. Things went okay at first then I started getting homesick and lonely and became depressed with each year getting a little worse than the previous year. And not really having any friends hasn't helped either. I am a quiet person and don't usually like to talk and haven't been able to make any friends. I talk when only spoken to and there is hardly anyone that comes my way that would even have a chance to speak to me. Hubby has friends but I don't really consider them to be my friends. I've even tried, but they are just not the type of friend I want to be friends with.

We live in the country within the country (far far from anything) and I am without a car and have no drivers license and no way of getting one because it costs over $1500 USD to obtain one in this country and we simply can't afford that. There are no busses available but there is taxi service, but that can get expensive. So I am basically trapped in my own home while hubby is at work. Hubby is gone 3-4 days at a time because of the distance he must travel and shifts he must work. So the only companionship I have are my children. Don't get me wrong, I love them with all my heart but I've missed being able to have a "grown up" friend. The one friend, hubby, who is supposed to be my best friend doesn't want to spend time with me and would rather spend time with his other friends or watching TV over being with me. I have to ask him for time before he gives me his time. I don't think I should have to do that.

It's been four years and I thought I would have some of the language under my belt, but haven't had a chance or any way of getting anywhere to take a course. Reasons being that I had two (to add to the one we already had) children since we moved here and have to be home with them because of no babysitter and then the car issue not being able to drive comes up again. Hubby got tired of translating for me so all he speaks is English with me.

So, this thing called the world wide web is a wonderful thing. I can talk to people from all over the world and have made some good friends online. It has been my only "social life" for the time that I've lived here. A couple years ago I found this chat room that was based in the country where I live now. I thought "cool, maybe I can come here and learn some of the language and maybe make a friend or two while I am at it. At first I only watched others type so I could get used to the language. Then little by little, I'd jump in with something to say and started to talk more and more. They knew that I was a foreigner and helped me quite a bit with their language and teaching me proper grammer. Yadda yadda yadda.

There is this man who was quite nice to me. He was twice my age and he seemed to have a big heart because he helped me so much and talked to me quite a bit. The more we talked the more I got to know him as a person and trusted him. He is a divorced man with two sons (16 and 20) whom he has every other weekend. We start to Email each other and we added each other on our MSN contact list. We were becoming good friends. He even sent me a movie in his language so I can learn a bit more. All this happening, and hubby knew about this. He'd even read some of our chats, so nothing was kept secret. I thought it was quite innocent really. No cybersex, no flirting, and this is why I kept talking with him. He even called me on the telephone a few times to speak to me in his language. I really learned a lot from this man and he seemed to care about me. He even said he wanted to be with me and run away with me somewhere so we could be together.

So a year passes by since I started to talk with him and we have a chance to meet in person. So I go to meet him and alone while hubby stayed home and watched the children. I thought it was my turn to be "out" and alone, since I'd never been out before or had time to myself and I didn't think anything could go wrong. Hubby thought the same thing, that it would be good for me to get out so he let me go.

Well, this is where I was stupid and was really wrong. Our meeting started out well, and he was quite the gentleman, opening doors for me and such. We talked a bit and then we decided to go to his house to watch a movie and have pizza. During the movie he starts to do things, smell my hair, nibble my ear, then he gives me a hug and gives me kisses. I was so shocked, I didn't know what to do or say. But the most shocking thing, is that I actually liked him doing that so I didn't try to stop him. Because hubby was still not paying any attention to me and this man was giving me attention that I missed getting from hubby, so I didn't stop him. It didn't go too far because I had to catch the train home.

This made me so confused. Did he do these things because he cared for me or did he do this because he was just a dirty, old lonesome man? He never chatted dirty with me, so why did he do all those things? I was afraid to ask him because I didn't want to ruin our friendship. I almost didn't care that he did it just for his own pleasure because I enjoyed talking to him. Well, after four weeks I finally get the courage to ask him what that was all about. He didn't give me straight answers and told me that I was too young for him to have him care about me. So then I asked him, "but you didn't think I was too young for you to kiss me and put your hands all over me?". Again, he dodges answering my question by saying that I am a good person and we will always be friends, and then he logs off. I don't see him online for a few weeks and one night I catch him online and I say hello to him. He says to me... "don't bother me again" and blocks me on his MSN. This confused me even more. What did I do? What happened to being friends? I sent him Emails but he never answered them. I was only asking what happened and wanted to find out the truth. But he didn't want to seem to tell me the truth.

It's been two months now since he told me to stop bothering him. I thought I would be over this by now. But I still cry night after night and still am confused. I miss him even though he seems to be a jerk. The conclusion that I come up with is that he IS indeed a dirty old lonesome man and he knew just the right things to say to me and it was only all pretending for him. It seems he took advantage of my trust. I still see him in the chat room where we started to chat, and I just break down and cry when I see him log on without him even saying a word to me. Just last night he was in the chat room, and my hands were shaking so much that I couldn't type because I kept thinking of how he hurt me.

I have told hubby what happened. Since then, he's been giving the attention that I need and we have a better relationship now. It's not perfect, but it is better than it was. So, now that I have hubby "back", why do I still miss this man? Why do I still wish he would come back and be my friend? Why do I still cry day after day and night after night about him? Why?!?!?!?!

~Confused~

you want this man only because he rejected you(GOLDEN RULE we want what we cant have in life). Your hubby should be your focus.....try to spice it up maybe....But if a man is neglecting you like your hubby was then u deserve better. I dont know the whole situation so it is hard to help but no matter what you deserve to be happy. If you have children together then atleast try to make things work but if it doesnt then it is in the best interest of the family and yourself to move on. Please reply. Take care and want to help.