I just need you to listen.

If life were purely about academics and making something of yourself, everything would be perfect for me.

"Life is a journey."

God I hate that #######4 statement: it's a linear progression to inevitable failure. I hate the people who I attract, I hate society, I hate the very foundations of humanity. I wonder sometimes how the hell I'm still alive; the bizarre nature of my being is fundamentally flawed.

That's why nobody likes me. That's why I'm rejected over and over again.

I'm stocked up on pills to cure the insomnia, but frankly, I just don't need to sleep. I just have stupid dreams about guys that I like (who's heart will be next to shatter?).

My mood improves for a few weeks, then I tank again.

Is it pathetic to say that the only sunshine in my life is my dog?

They put so much pressure on me to talk to people, they forget that I have nothing in common with them anyways. I don't like to talk while I'm at work; I want to get my work done. I don't want to talk while the professor is speaking; I want to listen and understand. I don't like deviations from the norm! I like everything to be perfect!

But everything is falling apart...

Does anybody else in here feel the way I do?

Hun, I'm sorry that things are this way for you right now. Yes, I have been there. I know that you don't need to hear people's cliches - that it will get better etc as I'm sure you've heard them all before, and what can they know of how you feel?

You say you just need people to listen. I'm listening. All I can do is acknowledge you, and perhaps give you some validation. It's only a little thing, I know, but I hope that it counts.

It's good that your mood improves, even if it's only for a few weeks. This indicates that it can continue to improve. It's good that you have your dog. A dog's love and loyalty is so unconditional. They don't judge. They don't say all the wrong things, about how you "should" be or how you "should" feel. The fact that your mood improves for a short time and the fact that your dog is there can give you a sense of hope. It's good that you've shared your feelings on here. I'm listening, and others are too. Even if they don't reply, there will be people who have read your words, and identified with the way you feel. There are others who empathise.

You may not feel this way because your depression is clouding your thinking, but you are a person of worth and value, and you don't deserve to hate yourself. You deserve to feel compassionate towards yourself.

For what it's worth, I'm hearing you.