advice?

Hi... I've never been on one of these forums before and I don't know quite what to expect, but at the state that I'm in right now, I figure that I had to do something, other than physically hurting myself. Here's the deal with me: I'm a teenager, and of course, I'm here because I suffer from depression. I've been in a mental hospital before and have hit rock bottom at times, but I'm really commited to getting better. My life is a lot better than many peoples' (I've been in some emotionally damaging situations, but not many), but my problem is internal. I have friends and family who love me, but somehow that isn't enough. I've convinced myself that I'm this horrible, disgusting person who doesn't deserve to be happy. I feel fat and ugly and as if I'm a burden on many people. I'm seeing a therapist and trying to work it out, but for some reason, I can't shake the inner hatred that I feel towards myself. Does anyone have any coping skills or advice for me? I would really appreciate it.
Thank you so much for your time....

Hey,

I only know you through this forum and have only just read your post but I already know that you have made two immense leaps in your life. The first is that are that you decided to see a therapist and the second is that you decided to post here. You are actively reaching out and looking for a solution. So, *hug*, you are on the right path to a better life.


With regard to coping skills I have found that slowing things down in my life has helped. At the height of my depression I noticed that I was rushing through everything. However, if you just stop, think, and proceed with the task at a slower pace then your mind is somewhat appeased.


Also, pay more attention to what you like in life (What makes you happy). There is definately something - In fact, there must be many things. So, when you do something next time that makes you feel good inside ensure that you go back and do it again.


With a continual focus on improving your life your happiness will shroud your sadness. Finally, accept the fact that you are going to have bad days but when they happen give yourself all of the time you need to get through them.

Hi.

To help you I wish to know- How did you convinced your self that you are horrible? And why?

Why you think you don’t you deserve to be happy?

How do you burden people?

Why fatness and ugliness important?

Hey,
I'm back...Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it!!! I guess I have made some progress, and I'll try those coping skills; they definetely sound like they'll be very helpful. Anytime you need advice, just ask.
In reply to O.K: The only reason that I feel so horrible about myself is just that I have extremely low self-esteem, probably because there is just so much pressure put on women in society. People think it's strange that I feel this way considering I DO have a lot of friends and realistically I'm not overweight- I'm only 105 pounds- but I suffer from..I can't really call it an eating disorder, but I definetely have an unrealistic view on food and my body. Plus, I was emotionally abused a few years ago, which led to my extremely self-esteem.
Thanks for the help! Hope everything's going well in your life.

I agree you do have low self esteem. Society does have model for women, but that important only if you want to sleep around with a lot of men. Society’s expectations important only if you want what they could offer to you. But what you are talking about, 105 pounds, that even below society’s standard. Your body consist of living things, and if you don’t eat enough, some thing die and can’t work properly. You probably don’t feel well, maybe feel dizzy at times. You may develop diseases. If you care about quality of your life and your future you have to give your body what it needs (food). I feel bad for you and I hope you can change.

I realize that you want people to like you. But you know body is not the only way to get love. I know person whom everybody likes though she is truly fat and ugly; people & I like her because of her personality. In fact, I think what really brings people together is how they bond together. Think about it, if guy got pretty face, but he is an ass hole you wouldn’t want to stick around. I am not saying you got bad personality; I am saying that you don’t need good appearance for good relationships. How you get your self good personality and self esteem is you don’t allow anyone to treat you badly. You don’t have to scream, and get angry, retaliate; you can simply tell that it hurt you and that you want it to stop; if that person purposefully hurts you, you have to get out of that relationship. Second, don’t hurt you yourself. When ever something goes wrong tell your self that humans are not perfect, and this is one of these imperfections, and that you can learn from this and make sure it doesn’t happen in the future. The more you practice this the more self esteem and self respect you will have for your self.

I hope this helps.

The pressures placed on females to look 'good' is apparent and the problems associated with that pressue are still not receiving enough attention in the world. This is an issue that really tears me apart so my heart-strings are now reaching out to you trying to give you hope and assurances for your future.


I'm a male, 23 years old, and I can assure you that not every guy likes the skinny, 'make-up encrusted' girl. Personally, I prefer a girl that does not wear make-up, that wears the simplest of clothes, that lets her hair grow naturally, and that eats what she wants, when she wants.


Stick to your own life and do the things that you wish to do.

Hi,
Just to let everyone know, I'm the original person who posted, but from now on my username on this site's going to be drama_queen. I just wanted to say thank you again for replying to my post, Chucky and O.K., and giving me helpful advice. Your comments have given me hope that I can get better, and it means a lot to me that you took the time to write back to me. I'm definetely going to work on being less hard on myself, and it's nice to know that not all men expect women to be the stereotypical stick-figures (it's very comforting!).
Thanks for listening!
Take care,
drama_queen

That's cool. Take care of yourself SuperStar

emotional abuse if horrific, i've dealt with it all ninteen yrs, and still do,a nd i used to feel the same, fat horrible, completely ugly, and just nobody, but one day, i said, hey, why shoudl i make myself feel this way, it's not fun, and whats worng with being happy, and saying hey, that does look good, and so do i, i don't know how to make you change that, you have to do it yourself, but i know that now that i have, i am fullfilled, in knowing that at leats i love myself? thats all i need, idk what to say, just to be happy, just say hey, i'm not that bad, be real, be happy:) you only have one life to live, why not make it great, not necessarily in somone else's eyes, but in yoru own at least:)

Sweetie, I wish my sympathy and compassion had arms to give you a hug. You are so not alone. From what I've been through (and I'm 43 yrs.old), those feelings are all symptoms from the depression. Only, if you're on the right medication for the depression, those feelings should lighten up for you more and more, as each week or month passes.

I want to share this: I have come to believe that depressed people should find comfort and friendship from other depressed people. No one I've known yet has truly understood and/or supported me through this depression. It angers me that people I've been friends with for many years and the man I was planning on marrying, have totally disappeared from my life. Just don't linger on the loss of friendship because with friends like that, who needs enemies; right?

I make a point to count my blessings everyday for coming out of the darkest place a much better,more loving and more knowledgeable person. I will never treat others the way I've been treated, nor will I pass judgement on anything, just because I don't happen to understand it. I am no saint, but I will be a "true" friend to those I call friend, from now on; and true friends don't run away in the hardest of times.

You are a good person and beautiful too. I don't know you personally, but I feel that through your words. You just keep your chin up...