Psychomotor Retardation and Getting A Job

Hello,

I am finding it necessary in my life to get a job at this point. I've been in a slump for awhile now and have a lot of problems functioning and controlling myself adequately. Whenever I've been at a job, I've felt immense pressure to work faster, when I'm already pushing myself beyond my limit. This actually triggers suicidal thoughts. Example: I tried to work at a retail store to deal with my fear of interacting socially. My manager kept telling me I need to work faster. My head was spinning before he even said anything. Once he said that, my mind was invaded by these visions of potential things I could do to kill myself on the job. I tried to do breathing work and mindfulness, but I think the real issue was that my body could not keep up.

Anyway, I really want to support myself. I see a doctor, I'm currently going through effexor withdrawal but I NEED to get my life back.. Job suggestions? I hear Library a lot but there aren't any hiring near me. I presume it depends more on the people that work at the job rather than the job itself, and how understanding they are. I have a hard time not feeling ashamed for what I am dealing with. I often feel people think I'm an excuse factory or something. It upsets me very much. I'm doing the best that I can, and am willing to face my fears. I just don't want to die in the process.

Does anyone understand?

YOu don't sound very ready to go back to work. But its good that you are trying.

Look for work that is not taxing mentally and that may have some aspects to it that you would enjoy. What about working in a nursery? or gardening? or cleaning in a smart hotel? or a not very busy cafe.

Have you got any work skills? what about learning barista skills. You can always get a job when you can make a good cup of coffee. courses are not long and probably not expensive.

I have always found that the pressure comes from people, such as you've just described. So look for a job in a place that is not busy where the pressures may be low. YOu can always move to a more demanding or interesting place down the track once you have gained more confidence and skills.

Also i take effexor. I would never consider going off them when i'm starting a new job. Are you sure its a good idea to be off them? I've given up ever trying to give up effexor. I just get in a bad state again.